Dads and Darlings
by demonesszen
Summary: The fathers of Fire Emblem with their children. How do they handle their kids while Mom's away? Chapter Nine: Magical Miniatures
1. Spawn of a Sage

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Arianna: And here we are again, another humor story!

Erk: It's going to be about me and my future brat.

Arianna: Heehee. Not just you and your brat, but other dad's and their brats, too. :D Well, here I go. I'll give it a try.

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**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own FE, but I do own this idea.

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The kid had definitely inherited its mother's voice.

It had not stopped screaming at the top of its lungs for the last two hours. Lord Pent and Lady Louise mysteriously had errands to run and Serra was out picking up baby stuff, so our favorite purple-haired sage was stuck with a crying kid. _His _crying kid, to be specific. He remembered when it had first been born. It came out screaming, and Erk asked the doctors (when he woke up, since he passed out watching Serra give birth) if they could put it back in and bring out a less noisy one. And since then, it had rarely stopped screaming, except to sleep and eat. Things had been this way for the last three years.

Yes, Erk was the proud daddy of a three year old, purple haired, blue-eyed, little girl named Amethyst. Amy, for short. Serra had picked the name because of the baby's hair color. Erk had wanted to name her 'Ugh' after his mother, but Serra flat-out rejected that idea.

But, getting back to the point, since everyone else was out, Erk was stuck watching the kid. The _screaming_ kid.

"Look, Amy, it's your dolly!" Erk said, trying to tempt her into silence with a doll, but it was to no avail.

"Nooo! Me want mommy! Mommy!" wailed Amethyst. Daddy just wasn't as much fun as Mommy. Daddy only wanted to read his books and he was always telling her to be quiet, which little Amy couldn't understand. Mommy talked all the time, and Daddy never yelled at _her_! "Where Mommy go?" said Amy, distressed.

A vein in Erk's forehead twitched. "Mommy went shopping. She's buying you lots of candy and toys!" Erk lied, which was really setting a bad example for his daughter, but at the moment, he was beyond caring. "But you have to be good until she gets back or you won't get anything!" he said.

Amy stopped crying and sniffled. Candy? Amy liked candy! Toys? Amy liked toys! "Okay, Daddy. Me be good." Amy promised, then smiled her innocent little smile. Erk sighed with relief and walked back over to his tomes, leaving Amy to play with her doll. Or so he thought. A little while later, when he looked up, she was gone!

"Amy?" he called out, standing up and scanning the room. "AMY!" he yelled louder when he realized she was, in fact, not in the room. Which meant she was somewhere else. Which leads to the conclusion that he had lost his kid, and that was _not_ a good thing in the book of parenting.

Erk ran out of his study room and down the halls, screaming for Amy and startling all the servants. Yes, servants, for he still lived in Castle Reglay. Bit humiliating, actually, to be married, have a kid, and still be living with the people he considered his parents. But I digress, as this wasn't what was on Erk's mind as he continued to shout for his missing daughter. "AMY! Where are you? Daddy doesn't want to play hide and seek!" Erk shouted. He ran out the door and through the garden, looking for any sign that his daughter had been there. That's when he heard something that chilled his blood.

"Daddy! Wook at me! I tallwher than you!" came Amethyst's voice from above him. He looked up to see his three year old daughter standing high above the ground on a stone pillar. How had she gotten up there? More importantly, how would he get her down?

"AH! Amy! Don't move! Daddy will get you down!" Yes, at some point he would have to get her down. The only problem was how. His first idea was to try to climb up to where she was, so he took off his cape and wrapped it around the pillar. He then attempted to run up it like maybe a mountain climber would, the only problem being that Erk was not a mountain climber. He was a sage, and sages don't climb very well. So he quickly lost grip and fell back down to the ground, much to the amusement of his daughter.

"Heehee! Daddy funny!" giggled Amethyst from her seat on top the pillar. Erk just grumbled and stood up rubbing his injured bottom. He briefly wondered why castles had to have pillars, anyway.

"Don't worry, Amy! Just stay still and Daddy will fetch a ladder and climb up and save you! Just _don't move_!" Erk shouted up to Amy. But she had other plans. She stood up and bent her little knees.

"NO! Don't jump, Amy! Sit down and wait for me to bring a ladder!" pleaded Erk, almost hysterically. But Amy wasn't a very patient little girl, and she thought her idea was much faster and better than her daddy's. So she jumped, and Erk screamed in a very unmanly way before running forward to catch her.

She was falling………

Falling………….

Falling…..

Annnnddd….

CAUGHT! Yes, Erk may not be too good at climbing, but he seemed to be rather good at catching things. All those fights with Serra where she would throw things at him had really paid off. He gasped for air for he had stopped breathing the last few minutes. Amy just giggled again.

"Again, Daddy!" she said gleefully. Erk ignored her request and carried her back inside the castle. Being that this is Serra's daughter, and she had just not gotten her way, she instantly burst into tears. "Daddy bein' MEAN!" she wailed. And when he ignored her cries, she started thrashing around so much that he had to put her down. Once she was down, she stubbornly refused to stand back up, and continued screaming as loud as she could.

Erk was ready to start crying himself. A few of the servants had stopped to see what was going on, but most of them were used to Amethyst's hysterics by now and kept going about their business. Erk decided to resort back to bribery. "Amy, if you don't come back inside and stop crying, you won't get any candy." Erk warned, but Amy wasn't falling for it this time around.

"No! Me no want candy! Me want to jump off tree!" Amy cried, and pouted cutely. Tree, of course, meant pillar. You can't expect a three year old to know what a pillar is, unless it's some super intelligent three year old. But Amy was not a child genius. She had a normal IQ for a kid her age, and was instead a super _whiney_ three year old.

Erk was running out of ideas. He had fought enemies that were less difficult than this child, back in the days when he and Serra were part of the successful, but slightly comical, 'Eliwood's Elite'. This girl could have had Nergal in fits after five minutes. He was thinking of just giving up and letting her jump off the darn pillar. He could probably catch her, and if he didn't, well, he and Serra were still young. They could have another. But then, an idea struck. And it struck hard. Or that might have just been Amy throwing rocks she found on the ground at him for being a 'Bad Daddy'. She really took after her mother with that habit of throwing things at him.

"Hey, Amy, guess what I've got?" he said coyly. Amy stopped her tantrum and looked up at him. He smiled. "I've got a secret!" he said, with fake excitement in his voice. Amy squealed. All girls like secrets.

"What, what is it, Daddy?" she asked, now on her feet, jumping up and down. Erk smirked inwardly that his plan was working.

"I can't tell you until we're inside, or someone might overhear it" he explained, convincingly. "Why don't we go to your room, and I'll tell you there?" he said, coaxingly. Amy grabbed her father by the hand and started pulling him towards the door. He followed her to her room, where she then let go of his hand, and flopped down on the floor.

"Secret! Secret!" she chanted. Erk sat down in a chair near where Amy was laying.

"Alright, the secret is…I know a really good story!" he said. Amy clapped her hands and pulled some of her favorite pillows over. Daddy told good stories, although some of them were a bit unbelievable. Even she knew there was no such thing as dragons or horses that could fly. They were just in fantasy picture books. But she liked to listen to those stories anyway.

"Well, once upon a time, there was a beautiful priestess with pink hair and magical powers that made her able to heal even the worst wounds." Erk began.

"That sounds wike Mommy!" squealed Amethyst. Her Mommy was something called a cleric, though, not a priestess. But she did have pink hair, and whenever Amy would get a boo-boo from playing with Auntie Louise's arrows, Mommy always healed it.

"And one day, this beautiful priestess happened to, by chance, run into a handsome young mage with purple hair." Erk continued. "The priestess needed an escort to get her back home safely, so the young mage agreed to help her."

As the story went on, Amy felt her eyelids drooping closed. She put up a brave struggle, for she wanted to hear the end of the story, but in the end, she fell asleep.

"And they had a beautiful daughter and lived happily ever after." Erk finished. He picked up his sleeping daughter and tucked her in her bed, then walked back downstairs, hoping to finish his work in his study before Serra got home. But, just as he closed the door, he heard Amy cry out "DADDY!" at the top of her lungs. Erk almost bashed his head into the door. Reluctantly, he turned back around to see his daughter's eyes half open.

"What is it, Amy?" he asked in a tired voice, hoping she wasn't going to ask to jump off the roof this time.

"I love you, Daddy."

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Latisha: AGH! What is _with_ you and the sappy, sweet stuff lately?

Serra: AWW! Our daughter is so cute!

Arianna: This is just the first. I know it's short, but I'm just trying to set the ball in motion. I'm going to do all the fathers with their children. The next two are going to be Jaffar, with Lugh and Rei, and Bartre, with Fir. Well, g'bye for now!

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**Amy:** -big, puppy-dog eyes- Pweese review!

Erk: Using my child for manipulation purposes…..that's just lovely…..

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	2. Trouble with Twins

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Arianna: =KO'd on floor=

Erk: We apologize, but Arianna will not be able to do her usual ramble. She's currently floored that she got 23 reviews first chapter. She would like to thank all reviewers. She will do responses at the end of the chapter.

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**DISCLAIMER:**

Eliwood: She don't own no FE, no matter how much she would like to.

Latisha: Seriously, were you asleep during all your Elibean Language classes?

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"Jaffar! I'm going to go visit Uncle Canas today, so take care of the twins! Why don't you take them to the circus? It's in town today!" Nino called through the house, than walked out leaving poor Jaffar with two very spastic little monsters by the names of Lugh and Rei. They were twins and six years old. Together, they were Pherae's worst chaos-causing duo. And now Jaffar was stuck trying to watch them _all day_.

He turned and started climbing up the ladder. When they had moved into the two-story house, they had stairs. A problem came up when Rei started to make a habit of pushing Lugh down the stairs every chance he got. As a result, Lugh got a stair phobia and would not go near them, causing problems since his bedroom was on the second floor. So to solve the problem, they had the stairs taken out and a ladder put in. But it didn't really solve anything. Now Rei just pushed Lugh off the top of the ladder.

Jaffar walked over to the twins' room and cautiously opened the door. The sight that greeted him almost made him become a murderer again. Lugh and Rei had recently gotten some crayons for their birthday. Enough said. The walls were now decorated with pictures of suns(Lugh), dead bodies(Rei), rainbows(Jaffar really did worry about Lugh, sometimes), dying animals(Rei), and a few portraits of himself and Nino as stick figures.

"….what are you doing?" Jaffar asked quietly, but Lugh and Rei heard the threat behind the words, and immediately stopped coloring. They turned around with impish grins on their faces.

"Hi, Daddy!" they chirped in unison. "Like the pretty pictures we made?" they asked. They didn't see anything wrong with decorating their walls. They were theirs, anyways. Jaffar just twitched. He didn't know what to do about it, so he decided to just ignore it for now.

"…come." He said. Then turned around and walked out the door. Lugh grinned and Rei scowled. Then they both ran after their dad. They followed him down the ladder and out the door.

"Where are we going?" Lugh asked, as they started walking towards town. He was a little worried about going into town. Last time they went, he had to go to this place called a "Barber Shop" and this scary guy tried to attack him with scissors. He bit the man on the hand, but then Daddy had held him down. Then the guy cut his hair off! He almost cried seeing all that pretty green on the floor. He tried to stick it back on his head, but Mommy had yelled at him and told him it was dirty. How could it be dirty if it had just come off his head? As he was remembering his horrible experience, they walked past the Barber Shop. So at least they weren't going back there.

"….to the circus." Answered Jaffar. Lugh clapped his hands happily and Rei scowled again. Rei had never been to a circus, but he had heard about them. They were horrifying places with elephants and guys with red noses. He wondered what they had done that his daddy would want to torture them so.

They came to a big yellow tent with red stripes. There were a lot of people standing in a line. Lugh stared at the tent. Jaffar stared straight ahead. Rei, however, was looking around. He saw a cotton candy stand. He got a devilish grin on his face and he elbowed Lugh. "Look!" Rei said. "Cotton candy!" He pointed at the stand. Lugh started jumping up and down.

"Daddy, can we get some?" Lugh asked, looking up at his daddy who was still staring straight ahead. He seemed to be a little on edge being around all these people. Lugh had never understood it, but Daddy had never liked people very much. He also didn't talk as much as other daddies.

"….no." Jaffar said, without even looking at them. He was not repeating his past mistakes. Once he had gotten them cotton candy. After they ate it, their hands were sticky, so they decided to wipe it on him. They, of course, said they just wanted to hug Daddy, but he knew what they were doing. Little brats.

"But Daaaaddddy!" Lugh whined and pulled at Jaffar's shirt. Jaffar refused to look down so he wouldn't fall victim to the puppy-dog pout. Lugh's bottom lip started to tremble.

"I want cotton candy, too!" said Rei. And then he started yelling "CAN-DY! CAN-DY! CAN-DY!" in chant. Lugh realized what his brother was doing and joined in. Soon, everyone was staring at Jaffar and his screaming kids. He twitched, then grabbed Lugh and Rei by their cloaks and dragged them along with him in line. They screamed the whole 20 minutes they were in line for cotton candy. People were ready to just buy them cotton candy so they would shut up.

When they got up to the ticket booth, Jaffar could barely hear the worker ask "How many?" He thought it was a stupid question anyways, since it was obvious there were three. But if the brats didn't get quiet soon, it was going to be one.

"…three." He said. The booth worker cupped his ear.

"Huh? I can't hear you! You'll have to speak up!" he said.

"..three."

"Still can't hear you!"

"Three."

"Sir, are you even speaking?"

"THREE!"

"Tea? I'm sorry, sir, we don't sell tea."

Jaffar had had enough. He punched Rei and Lugh on the head. They instantly stopped screaming and held their now throbbing heads. Women nearby gave him disgusted looks for hitting his children, but he just glared back. "Three." He said, for the last time. If the booth worker didn't hear him this time, he was stabbing him and taking the tickets.

"You should have said so!" the worker said, then handed him three tickets. "That will be 30 gold!"

Jaffar twitched once more. He took the tickets and practically threw the gold at the stupid booth worker. Then he looked down at his strangely silent kids. The reason they were silent was, they weren't there anymore. He scanned the area. "…Lugh? Rei?" he said.

"Move it!" yelled a guy behind him in line. He glared at him and considered stabbing him, but walked off deciding that finding his kids was a more important issue. He looked over at the cotton candy booth, but they weren't there. He was getting a little worried when he finally spotted them by the souvenir booth. The worker there was flirting with some lady and didn't notice Rei and Lugh, who were trying to get a stuffed elephant off a shelf. Rei was standing, wobbling, on Lugh's shoulders.

Jaffar ran over and grabbed Rei off of Lugh's shoulders before he fell. He thought he'd be able to take them and run before the booth worker noticed, but then Rei yelled "Hey! Let me go! I almost had it!" and that was the end of that plan. Jaffar grabbed Lugh, too, and started to run, but before he could get away, the elephant fell and landed in Lugh's hands.

The booth worker turned around and saw Lugh with the stuffed animal. "HEY!" he yelled as Jaffar made a run for it, "THIEVES! THIEVES!" But Jaffar disappeared into the crowd before anyone could stop them. The booth worker was ready to get security, but just then, two pretty girls walked by. "Hey ladies!" he called. He started flirting with them and completely forgot about the strange red haired man and his green haired twins.

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Jaffar kept running and didn't stop running until they were inside the circus tent. He put the twins down and glared at them with his most venomous 'Daddy Is Mad And You're Going To Get It When We Get Home' glare. Lugh hugged his new stolen elephant and sucked his thumb. Rei just glared back. "….come." Jaffar commanded, then he started walking towards the stands.

(A/N:Well, not really stands, actually. Bleachers, really, would be a better word. But I doubt they were called that back in whatever times FE is. I also doubt they had cotton candy, but they probably had circuses. I'll shut up now.)

Rei stuck his tongue out at his dad's back but the twins followed. Lugh was scared so he reached for Rei's hand but Rei just glared in a good imitation of his father. Lugh clutched his elephant tighter and wondered why his mommy left him with these two meanies. They had to sit in the front row since the twins were too short to see any further back. Jaffar looked around at things being set up with a nervous look on his face. He had never been to a circus either and it looked a bit creepy. The ringmaster walked into the center ring and everything got quiet.

"Welcome to Carl's Circus!" announced the ringmaster. Jaffar wondered who 'Carl' was. "First, I present to you, on the trapezes, Jack and Zack!" the ringmaster continued.

"Look, Daddy! They can fly!" Lugh said, as Jack and Zack, who, by the way, were twins, flew from trapeze to trapeze. Watching them, Rei got an idea.

"Lugh!" he whispered to his brother, careful to not let his dad hear him. "Since we're twins, too, if we go up there, we should be able to fly like they are!" Lugh looked at Rei, then at the trapezes, then at Rei again, then once more at the trapezes, and then finally he looked back at Rei and said "Al-alright. If you're _sure_." Rei just grinned a devilish grin and Lugh wasn't very comforted. They waited until they were sure their daddy wasn't looking, then crawled under people's legs to get to the end of the bleachers. Then they ran around through the shadows, so no one could see them, over to the pole where the ladder was to get up to the trapezes.

"C'mon!" said Rei, and he started climbing. Lugh, however stared at it, nervously. Rei stopped climbing and looked down to see his twin wasn't moving. "Just pretend it's the ladder at home!" Rei suggested, then continued climbing. Lugh set down his elephant and started climbing up.

Meanwhile, Jaffar was oblivious to the fact that the twins had gone missing, again. The trapeze act had ended and the clowns had come out and Jaffar was rather terrified. He looked over to see if Lugh was crying, which he did a lot when he was scared, and _that's _when he noticed they were gone. He looked around the tent trying to catch a glimpse of green. Then he heard someone behind him say "Look! Up there!" He looked up with dread knowing what he'd see. And he saw what he feared.

Rei and Lugh had made it to the top and were now attempting to reach one of the trapezes. He jumped up and ran across the tent, dodging clowns, over to the ladder and started climbing. While at the top, Rei had managed to get hold of a trapeze.

"Okay, you hang on to my feet, and then I'll jump off and we'll fly!" Rei told his brother. Lugh's legs were shaking but he bent over and grabbed Rei's feet. As it tends to happen, just as Jaffar got to the top, Rei jumped off the platform dragging a screaming Lugh with him. Jaffar made a mad lunge for them and managed to grab onto Lugh's leg. Everyone in the circus tent was watching them with terrified expressions.

"You two are DEAD when we get home!" Jaffar yelled up to them as the trio swung towards the other trapeze.

"We're dead anyways if you don't let go!" Rei yelled down. "I can't hold _both _of you up!" His hands were starting to lose grip.

"WAAAAH!" cried Lugh. "Daddy's gonna break my leg!"

"I think we've got bigger problems, idiot!" Rei yelled at his brother.

"Don't call _me_ an idiot! You're the one who came up with the idea!" yelled Lugh back.

"You're _BOTH_ idiots!" yelled Jaffar "Now shut up so I can think of a way out of this mess you've got us into!" They had lost momentum and were now just hanging in mid-air. The problem was, no one had invented nets yet to catch the trapeze artists if they fell.

"I hope you're a quick thinker then, Father! Because I can't hold on any longer!" Rei cried as one of his hands slipped off.

"…what did you get on your pants, Lugh?" Jaffar asked, as he realized the leg he was holding onto was wet.

"I don't think you wanna know, Daddy." Answered Lugh. Jaffar gave a little shudder but kept thinking. He came up with a plan.

"…I'll let go and then I'll catch you two when you fall." Said Jaffar. Then he dropped.

"DAAAADDDY!" screamed Lugh as Jaffar fell down to the circus floor. Jaffar, however, had jumped from tall heights before, so he landed on his feet.

"LET GO!" he yelled up to the twins. Lugh screamed something back about being too afraid to, but then Rei let go. And since Lugh was holding onto Rei, they both came falling towards Jaffar. He held out his arms to catch them, but it didn't work. Lugh and Rei landed on him, knocking him on the ground. They crawled off his back, then poked at Jaffar.

"Father?" said Rei, pulling open one of Jaffar's eyelids.

"WE KILLED DADDY!" cried Lugh as he burst into tears. But then Jaffar got up shaking his head.

"DADDY!" yelled the twins, attaching themselves to his legs in what's usually called a hug. Jaffar's eyes came back into focus.

He froze.

Everyone in the circus was clapping. All those people…..staring at him and his kids, who had still not let go of his legs…. '_Too. Many. People._' Jaffar thought. Then he passed out.

"Father?" Rei said, pulling Jaffar's eyelid up once more.

"WE KILLED DADDY! AGAIN!" said Lugh, and he burst into fresh tears.

Eventually, though, Jaffar woke up and ran home with his brats in tow, praying that they wouldn't run into the owner of the circus. When they got home, Jaffar _was _going to give his evil demonic children a beating they wouldn't forget, but he was too exhausted. So instead he passed out in the middle of the floor. Lugh curled up on top of him and went to sleep, too. And Rei cackled while looking at the two of them with his now trademark devilish grin.

So when Nino came home from visiting her uncle, she found Jaffar and Lugh fast asleep. And Rei drawing on their faces with a permanent marker.

"Rei, what are you doing?" she asked, staring at Rei as he drew a moustache on Jaffar.

"Art," Rei answered. Then he smirked. "If you think _this_ is good, you should see what Lugh and I drew on our bedroom walls." Nino's face grew white then she quickly climbed the ladder and ran into the twins' bedroom.

"JAFFAR!!!!" echoed Nino's scream throughout the house."YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THEM!!!!" Jaffar woke up and looked at Rei, who was currently drawing eyelashes on Lugh.

"….what happened?" Jaffar asked Rei. Rei grinned **THE** grin.

"Daddy's in trouble! Kekekekeke!"

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Jaffar: …

Erk: Wow, your brats are worse than my one brat!

Jaffar: …

Erk: This should be called "Dads and Brats of Horror".

Arianna: Okay, next chapter is Bartre with Fir!

Eliwood: You're awake! That means you can do review responses!

Arianna: I dun wanna.

Eliwood: =holds rapier threateningly=

Arianna: =sigh= Alright…

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**REVIEW RESPONSES**

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DotDotDotMan: Wow, did you even make it through the whole chapter? Or did the guys in white coats catch you before you could finish? Believe me, I'm well acquainted with the crazy police. :) Thanks for the review!

Hitnwey: Priscilla's kid probably wouldn't have been as entertaining. She's a bit more refined than Serra. Hehe. I would ask to be put up for adoption if Bartre was my dad. Thanks for the review!

SDS-Yukichan: Muhaha. Was your wait worth it? Poor Jaffar. Hopefully Nino won't leave him alone with the demon twins anymore. Thanks for the review!

Calum the Angel: Thank you, thank you very much.

Erk: Ugh. Elvis impression? You've sunk to a new low.

Arianna: Thanks for the review!

Inferno-Hero: Yes, I'm planning on doing Pent and Louise's children. And eventually Harken and Isadora. And I'll be putting Lyn with Kent, probably. Thanks for the review! Oh, and I like insanity. Insanity goooood.

Lugh: You scary lady. =sucks thumb=

Arianna: _Moi_? Scary? Harumphh!

Alice Kaiba: Are you _threatening_ me? Lol. J/K. Don't worry, I hate the EliwoodxLyn pairing too. Thanks for the review!

…..???: Interesting name. Oh, I'll be writing _lots_ more chapters. :D Thanks for the review!

R Amythest: Hey, your name is like Amethyst! Maybe that's the real reason why Serra picked the name. :) Thanks for the review!

hyliansage: Thank you for the compliments. Yes, there are quite a few possibilities, huh? Looks like this will be another long story. Thanks for reviewing!

enangl27: I'm glad to know there's other people who like cute stories, or else nobody would read this one. I know it's humor, but it's also cutesy. :) Thanks for the review! Did you like the twins? Hehe.

Seventh Sage: What do you mean you wouldn't want a kid like that? Who wouldn't want a kid that screams and throws stuff at their parents and tries to jump off things? =cackles= I really am quite mean to poor Erky.

Erk: Dang straight you are.

Arianna: Thanks for the review! :D

Sword of Seals: Personally, I think the kid was more evil to him. Hehehehe. But I guess if he had paid more attention to little Amy then she wouldn't have had to entertain herself by jumping off a pillar. :) Thanks for the review!

KentxLyn: Yes, I'm a fan of KentxLyn, too. So I will be doing theirs sometime. Any suggestions on a name for their kid? Thanks for the review!

Wesley: Catastrophes , huh? Any specific ones? Catastrophe fun. Hehe. Thanks for the review!

Zero84: I personally like HectorxFlorina and LynxKent, but everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I'm glad you like ErkxSerra. :D Thanks for the review! And all the other reviews you've ever wrote for my stories!

potter29vo: Yes, this is going to be a looong multi-chapter fic. Although Erk and Serra's is done, they'll probably get another appearance in Pent and Louise's. Thanks for the review! You're always so nice. :D

LowenxRebeccaluver: I think that if Serra fell in love, she would revoke her vow. In the support conversation where she says she took that vow, she also says she'll still consider Oswin.

SPOILER: Plus, in the epilogue with Erk, she tells Hector she's going to 'Live for love' with Erk. So they probably got married.

I'm actually a fan of RebeccaxRaven, but I will do a HarkenxIsadora. Half a loaf is better than nothing, right? :) Thanks for the review! Oh, and, any ideas for a name for Harken and Isadora's kid?

TFRiD Queen: It wasn't _too_ long a wait, was it? :) Thanks for the review!

cardmaster372: Well, you're in luck! I'll be doing both of those pairings. :D I'm not sure if I'm going to put Guy with someone, though. Thanks for the review!

Serra19: I came up with circuses and stair phobias. I'm scared of myself now. Thanks for the review! :)

FireEdge: I know, Amy's just the cutest! Especially when she's throwing things at her daddy. :D

Erk: …..Grrr….

Arianna: Thanks for the review!

Sarah The Wolf: How could I base her off of you? I was too young to remember what you were like at that age. Use your brain, you silly sister. Lol. Thanks for reviewing!

Guy The Master: I'm not sure if I'm going to Guy, because I wouldn't know who to put him with. But since he seems to be popular, I might give it a shot. Thanks for the review!

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Arianna: Can I go back to sleep now?

Eliwood: Sure.

Arianna: =falls back on floor=

Rei: Kekekekeke. =draws on her face with marker=

Latisha: Hope to see you all next chapter!

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**Lugh&Rei:** Please review!

**Rei:** Or else! =holds up permanent marker=

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	3. Bartre's Beautiful Brat

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Arianna: I am back, once more!

Erk: Eh. Foo.

Arianna: **This chapter is my birthday present to DTN!** Well, actually, it would be a belated birthday present, but, who cares? Anyways, **HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!** :D Hope you like this chapter.

Latisha: All hail the great DTN!

Erk: Rather not, thanks.

Eliwood: =shoves Erk down so he's bowing to DTN=

Arianna: The story continues with Bartre and his daughter Fir! Poor, poor Fir.

Latisha: Poor, poor Karla.

Eliwood: Poor, poor anyone who has ever lived with Bartre.

Erk: Let's get this over with, already!

Arianna: Oh, alright. ONWARD!

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**DISCLAIMER OF _DOOM_:**

Erk: That's an....interesting…title.

Eliwood: Arianna's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Arianna: I don't own FE or Forrest Gump!

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"You be a good girl and take care of Daddy, Fir." Said Karla, as she picked up her bag and headed for the door.

"I will, Mother." Nine year old Fir said, and waved goodbye to her mom. Karla was going to visit Karel, and since Bartre and Karel didn't get along very well, Karla was going alone. And that meant Fir had to stay home and take care of her dad. They would have left him with Kent and Lyn again, but they were still fixing their house from when last time Bartre had stayed with them. _That_ was a story Fir didn't want to remember.

When Karla was just a speck in the distance, Fir sighed and turned. She cautiously walked through the hall and to her parents' room. She had to be careful, for she never knew what her father was going to do. One time he decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in his own home and, well, that was _another_ story that Fir didn't want to remember. She opened the door to her parents' room and stopped in shock at what her dad was up to. "Father?" she asked, alarmed, "What are you doing?"

Bartre was wearing Karla's apron, and holding Karla's feather duster. He seemed to be attempting to dust the bedside table. But he wasn't accomplishing anything except making himself sneeze, since he was holding the duster the wrong way. "Cleaning, Daughter!" Bartre replied. Then he sneezed, causing his hand to jerk. The end of the duster hit an expensive candle lamp, knocking it onto the floor, where it shattered into trillions of little, sharp pieces. "Uh oh." Bartre understated, staring at the mess. Then he tried to clean it up by scooping the pieces into his hands. The shards of lamp cut his hands, so he threw them back to the ground with a loud curse word. Then he looked at Fir, worridly. "Don't tell your mother I said that!"

Fir took three deep breaths. Clenched and unclenched her fists. Thought of calm things like peaceful lakes and napping cats. Then she answered her dad. "I won't, Father. But why don't you go bandage your hands while I clean up the mess?" she suggested. When her dad left the room, muttering things about killer lamps and their dangerous pieces, Fir bent down by the mess. She inspected it and realized there was absolutely no way to get all the little pieces back together. She would just have to throw them away and make sure that when her mother got home she told her it was Dad and not her that broke the lamp. She was about to fetch the broom and dustpan when she heard a shout of distress from the bathroom. She rushed to the location of the shouts and swung open the door. She glanced over, up, and then finally down to where her father was lying on the floor, tangled up in a roll of bandages. "Um…Father?" she asked, hoping he would explain how he got in his current situation.

"Hi, Fir! These bandages are complicated things, huh? I just took them out of the cabinent and tried to wrap them around my hands, and ended up like this! Maybe they're possessed and were trying to strangle me! That would be scary, wouldn't it? We would need one of those excorcist thingies then, huh?" he attempted to explain. He continued to ramble about "evil spirits that possess healing objects such as bandages" and "how confusing simple things like bandages were these days" as Fir unraveled her father from the supposedly 'possessed' and 'complicated' bandages. Then he started ranting on how the feather duster was too technical, also, as Fir properly wrapped up his bleeding hands.

"Be more careful next time you want to clean, Father." Fir warned. But she knew it was no use. Bartre and cleaning just didn't mix. He had already fallen down the stairs trying to sweep, squirted himself in the eye with the water bottle when he tried to clean the windows, and _somehow _whacked himself in the head with the rug beater. The only chore Bartre seemed good at was chopping wood. His skill with the axe helped him chop wood faster than Karla ever could. But unlike Karla's perfect firewood, his was unevenly sized and didn't stack well in the wood holder. Since Karla would just end up having to make the firewood even anyways, she just cut the wood herself. Leaving Bartre with nothing to do but screw things up.

"I _was _careful!" Bartre complained to his frustrated child. "But the duster was out to get me! Did you _see _the way it kept making me sneeze? How does anyone clean with that thing, anyways?" Fir just sighed and glanced out a window. The sun was beginning to set, so she decided she had better start fixing dinner. No way was she letting her father anywhere near the stove! She walked into the kitchen and Bartre went with her. As Fir pulled things out of cabinents and the pantry, Bartre followed her around the kitchen, talking about random things that made no sense whatsoever to Fir. So she just ignored him. But as the water began to boil, he finally mentioned something that caught her interest.

"What did you say, Father?" she asked, "I dazed off for a moment."

"Kids these days!" Bartre complained, "Never giving adults their full attention and going off into day dreams!" Fir patiently waited until he was done ranting. "I was saying how me and your mother decided to name you Fir!" he repeated.

"Your mother and I." Fir corrected, absentmindly, as she poured the noodles into the pot and stirred them around in a circle. Bartre grumbled about "smart talking kids who always correct their parents" before he continued with his story.

"Well, after your mother had you, she went unconcious. The midwife said you needed a name. When I saw you, you looked like a little kitten. I thought about how I liked to pet kittens because they have such soft fur. So I wrote down on the paper the midwife gave me 'Fur'. When your mother woke up and I told her what I had named you and showed her the paper, she yelled at me and said I spelled fur wrong. She said it's spelled F-U-R. But it was too late, you were already 'Fir'. So that's how you were named." He finished. Fir jerked around and looked at him in shock.

"So I have to put up with all the other kids at school making fun of me being named after animal hair because of _you_?" she asked in a horrified voice. Bartre didn't seem to realize that this was a bad thing, so just stupidly nodded his head, grinning. Fir's shocked expression slowly turned angry. She grabbed the spoon out of the pot of cooking noodles and threw it at her father's head. It thunked him right in the forehead. He froze for a second. Then he started howling and running around the room.

"AHHH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, YOU CRAZY GIRL? YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER!!!" he screamed. Fir seemed to come out of a trance and realized what she had done. She grabbed a cloth that was by the sink and wetted it with cold water. She held it to his head as she apologized.

"I'm sorry, Father! I don't know what came over me!" She exclaimed.

"That's okay, dear. You must have just been taken over by the evil spirit of the bandages for a moment." Bartre said. "We really should get some holy person in here to take care of the little monster. What was that monk's name? Lucius, I think. He could do it." Fir had no idea who this Lucius person was or why her father thought that everything bad that happened was the cause of an evil spirit, but she was glad that he wasn't mad at her. She let out a breath that she didn't relaize she had been holding and as she inhaled again, a smell of smoke and burnt noodles filled her nose.

"OH NO!" she suddenly screamed, causing Bartre to recoil and fall backwards onto the kitchen table. "The noodles! They're burning!" Fir ran back over to the stove and shut it off. But the damage was done. The noodles were burned so badly that Bartre wouldn't even eat them. She slumped into a nearby chair and moaned into her hands. "Now what!?" she whined.

"We could go out to eat." Bartre suggested, climbing off the table. Fir thought about the idea, and didn't like the high chances of disaster that could come from it, but saw no other thing to do. She wanted to eat sometime before midnight.

"Okay." Fir gave in. "I'll go get ready. But…Father?"

"Yes?" Bartre asked, examining his burnt forehead in his reflection on a spoon.

"Please don't wear the apron out!" she begged.

--

Fir walked behind her father into the nearby village. She followed him until he stopped in front of a small building. "Rob's Roadkill Roadhouse.' She unenthusiastically read off the small sign hanging by the entrance. "Are you sure this is the place, Father?" she asked, praying it was not.

To her dismay, he answered "Yep! Sure am!" As he opened the front door and walked inside, he commented "I ate here all the time when your mother was cooking that low-fat stuff!" When he saw Fir's eyebrow rise, he hastily added "Don't tell your mother that!" Fir glanced around at the dingy restaurant. Flies were buzzing around the unwashed tables. The people sitting at those tables looked like thugs.

"I don't know, Father. It looks a bit…unsanitary." Fir said, nervously looking at the smudged plates that a waiter was carrying a meal on. The waiter saw her staring and glared at her. Fir gave a little squeak and hid behind her dad.

"Don't be such a chicken!" Bartre chuckled. He led the way to a small table for two in a corner. Fir slowly followed, careful not to step in any food that had been thrown on the floor. When they were both seated, a surly looking waiter walked over to their table.

"Whad'd ya want?" he gruffly asked. Fir glanced uneasily at the waiter's many earrings and tattoos. Then at his nametag that said 'Bone Breaker'. Bartre was busy looking at his menu.

"It looks like you've gotten a new menu since the last time I was here!" Bartre said.

"No. We haven't had a new menu in eight years." Bone Breaker the waiter grumbled.

"Then why is everything different?" Bartre asked in a confused tone of voice. Fir politely cleared her throat to get his attention.

"You're holding the menu upside-down, Father." Fir told him in a soft voice. Bartre sheepishly grinned and turned the menu the right way.

"Let's see…..I'd like the Badger Burger special. And...hm…a cup of cherry chunk to drink." Bartre said to the waiter. Bone Breaker scribbled something on a pad that _might _have been the order. "What do you want, Fir?" Bartre asked his daughter.

"Uhhh…" Fir stuttered, almost twitching when the waiter looked at her. "Um, same thing as you, Father." She managed to answer. The waiter scribbled something down again, then took their menus and stalked off into the kitchen. An awkward silence surrounded Bartre and Fir's table. Bartre and Fir rarely talked, being as Fir was busy with school, and Bartre was busy with whatever it was he did. Because of this, they had little to say. Bartre drummed his fingers on the table. Fir swatted at a fly that flew in her face. Bartre finally decided to break the silence.

"So…." Bartre started. The noise made Fir jump. "How are you doing in school?" Bartre questioned. Fir gave the fly another swipe as it passed by before answering.

"Good, Father. I made the honor roll again." She announced, proudly. "_And _I won the Sacaen Spelling Bee.

"That so?" Bartre said in disbelief. "Why, when I was seven, I barely knew my ABC's."

"I'm nine, Father." Fir corrected, a little put-out that he didn't even remember her age. And where was he the day she won the Spelling Bee? She thought that might have been the day he had 'accidentally' chopped Guy and Priscilla's door in half and had to fix it.

"Eight, right. Sorry, dear." Bartre said apologetically.

"_NINE_, Father." Fir stressed. She was now more than a little ticked.

"Nine, right, right. I'm very sorry, honey. Mind slipping in my old age, I guess." He said. Fir just exhaled through her nose and rolled her eyes in a very daughterish way. She was just about to make a comment about his so called 'old age' when the waiter returned with their meal."

"Here ya go." Bone Breaker said, practically throwing their meals in front of them. "Two Badger Burgers with Cherry Chunks to drink." Then he scuttled off like a cockroach when threatened. Fir stared at her meal with a distasteful expression. The badger burger looked like overcooked liver on a bun. And the cherry chunk had bits in it of what she _hoped_ was a cherry.

Fir glanced up at her father as he started gobbling down his food. She wrinkled her little nose. '_And he thinks that Mom's low-fat food is bad?_' she thought to herself. She decided that she could survive skipping one meal. '_For the sake of a healthy stomach._' She thought as she pushed the plate away from her. The smell of it was nauseating.

"Wh rrn't ew etin'?" Bartre asked, looking at Fir's full plate.

"Excuse me?" was Fir's response. She couldn't understand a word he said when he talked with his mouth full. Bartre swallowed and tried again.

"Why aren't you eating?" he repeated.

"I'm….not hungry." Fir lied. Bartre bought it and continued eating. But not before mumbling something about kids not knowing what 'real food was these days'. When Bartre reached for Fir's plate, intending to eat it since she obviously wasn't going to, his arm knocked his cup of Cherry Chunk onto the floor. One of the thugs at another table was just walking back from the bathroom and wasn't watching what he was walking on. He stepped right onto the puddle of cherry beverage and went sliding to the floor in a very painful looking split. The whole restaurant went quiet.

"Whoops. Should have been watching what you were stepping in, eh, buddy?" Bartre said to the thug as he laughed at the pained expression on the thug's face at his position on the floor. Fir watched in horror as the thug got to his feet and glared down at her father, who was still laughing like the idiot he is.

"You think this is funny, pal?" the thug asked with such a menacing look that Bartre stopped laughing. Fir wondered somewhere in the back of her mind why men always called each other friendly terms like 'buddy' and 'pal' when they obviously weren't friends.

"You think this is my fault, buddy?" asked Bartre, getting to his feet. He turned out to be much taller than the thug had thought he was. Bartre shook a fist threateningly at him. "You can't blame me for your own clumsiness, okay, man?"

The thug swallowed and quickly shook his head. "No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. I mean, sorry, sir." The frightened man stuttered. Then he scampered back to his table of fellow punks. Bartre threw some money onto the table.

"Well, we had better go, Fir." He cheerfully told the hyperventilating child. Fir wondered if her father was even smart enough to realize how close he had gotten them to getting beat up. By the way he was now whistling, she assumed the answer was 'no'. She stood up and followed her poor, idiot of a father back home. When they got back inside the house, Bartre looked at his daughter, deep in thought. At least, for him, anyways.

"What is it, Father?" Fir asked. She had never seen her father look so thoughtful before. Heck, she'd never seen him think at all!

"I can't remember if six year olds are old enough to bathe themselves or not." He responded, scratching his head. Fir froze for a moment as his words sank in. Once they did, she wanted to scream. In fact, she did scream.

"I AM NOT SIX!" she wailed. "I AM _NINE_! **NINE!** N-I-N-E!" She held up nine fingers. "This many! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! And _yes_, I'm old enough to bathe myself!" she finished shrieking. Then she stomped upstairs to her personal bathroom. Bartre scratched his head and went to find the piece of chicken her knew he had left laying somewhere around the sitting room.

A couple hours later, Fir walked back downstairs. She looked around for her father. "Dad?" she called, her voice echoing through the seemingly empty house. She heard a rumbling noise coming from her parents' bedroom. She feared what she might find _this_ time, but she opened the door anyways. In the room she saw her father lying on the bed. He was fast asleep and snoring so loudly that a herd of horses stampeding could not have been heard over him. Fir smiled slightly and backed out of the room, closing the door again. She heard the front door open and rushed to greet her mother.

"Hello, Fir!" Karla said when her daughter came flying down the hallway and into her arms. "How was your dad today?" she asked.

"Eh." Fir replied, hugging her mother tightly. "He was okay."

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Eliwood&Erk: =staring slack-jawed at review counter=

Arianna: Umm…guys?

Eliwood: Riri, the counter's broken.

Arianna: No it isn't.

Erk: It has to be. It says 51. And that just can't be right. There have only been 2 chapters that have been reviewed so far.

Arianna: It's correct. :D I checked.

Erk: =stunned=

Eliwood: =passes out=

Arianna: I am very thrilled that I've gotten so many reviews! I hope it will keep up at this rate. :D Thank you, wonderful reviewers!

Latisha: And that means, you get to answer ALL the reviews!

Arianna: ….say what?

Latisha: GET TO IT! =throws Arianna into response panel=

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**REVIEW RESPONSES**

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:Inferno Hero:

As you might have been able to tell from the mention of Guy and Priscilla and their damaged door, I will be doing Guy and Priscilla. :) Thanks for the suggestion! And thanks for the review! I'm fond of the Harken/Isadora couple, too. :D

:lugiamania:

Yes, I will eventually get to Eliwood and Roy. Thanks for the review!

:Zephire the Tactician:

I continued as soon as I could. Which wasn't very soon, was it? =sweatdrop= Scary? What could you _possibly_ find scary about two darling children like Lugh and Rei? =cough cough= :) Thanks for the review!

:SDS-Yukichan:

You didn't get hurt falling out of that chair, did you? =shivers in fear of lawsuit= Thanks for the review!

:DotDotDotMan:

I think Jaffar's twenty or twenty one. But it's hard to tell with ages. Oswin looks like he'd be around fifty and he's only in his thirties. Yes, I shall do a GuyxPriscilla chapter. Hell? Now why would an angelic demoness like me remind you of those nasty demons in hell?

Lugh: Awww! You said a bad word! You have to put a gold piece in the jar!

Shove it, kid. I'll probably be changing the rating, anyways. A G rating just sounds too pansy to me. Hmmm…PG for comic mischief, maybe. Anyways, thanks for the review!

:chel bel:

AH! PICKLES! NO! I hate pickles! They're so green and bumpy. =shudder= Kids can ber evil. Very evil. Very, very evil. Very, very, _very_ evil. =stops and tries to remember what I was doing= Oh yeah. Thanks for the review!

:R Amythest:

Amythest sounds much cooler than plain amethyst. :) Jaffar might have to see a doctor if he passes out anymore, eh? Thanks for the review!

:SweetMisery430:

Don't worry, Nino. I'm sure they won't turn out _that_ evil. Well, Lugh, at least. Hehe. Thanks for the review! And continue 'The Miss Elibe Beauty Pageant' sooooon!

:enangl27:

They don't try to steal stuffed elephants and fly on trapeze, do they? Hehe. Glad I made somebody happy. I usually just make people mad, for some strange reason beyond my comprehension.

Eliwood: Big word. Comp-ree-hen-shen.

Riiiiiight, Eliwood. Thanks for the review!

:FireEdge:

And Amy wasn't a brat?

Erk: She was. Believe me, she _was_.

Kekekeke. But yes, Lugh and Rei are slightly more interesting than Amy, because double is better, right? :) Thanks for the review!

:Ben:

Yes, it will be EliwoodxNinian. Sorry if that angers or disappoints anybody. Thanks for the review!

:Emerald-Latias:

Well, he did _kinda_ snap. He hit his children once. And he passed out twice. But at least he didn't kill anybody. It looks like I'll be pairing Priscilla with Guy, since so many people want a Guy chapter. And Guy doesn't have anyone he could have kids with except Priscilla. Not that there aren't other Guy pairings. =cough= MatthewxGuy =cough=

:Emblem-Freak:

Hmmm....well, that would kind of ruin the whole point of the story. But maybe I could do a sibling fic, 'Moms And Monsters', since all the kids seem to be little monsters. :)

Erk: Don't make promises your brain can't keep.

But I might be able to do the both parents staying home one. Only, the mother would probably end up busy with something so the dad would mostly be the one watching the kid. Or _supposed _to be, anyways. You've built a whole new train of thought for me. Much thanks for the review! And for the name suggestion.

:Zero84:

Well, he didn't lose her. But he almost gave her food poisoning. I WANT THE RIBS! Just kidding. Nice speaking skills, Bartre. KAREL WANTS HIS _SISTER_ TO MARRY HIM!? =twitch= Thanks for the review!

:edmund-defary:

What are you talking about!? I loved your story! Thanks for the compliment. :) And thanks for the review!

:Unkown-Character:

I did Bartre. I think that's proof enough to you that things shouldn't be left to me. :) Thanks for the review!

:Seventh Sage:

Be scared of circuses(evil clowns..grrr..)but not of children. They don't _usually_ act like the kids featured in this fic. Just when they get hold of sugar. :) Thanks for the review!

:potter29vo:

I really don't know how I got so many reviews for this. I actually thought this was going to turn out stupid, I guess it wasn't. Don't be jealous! Your stories are great! And you're really good at oneshots. Thanks for the review!

:.....?:

That's probably why he passed out. The noise got to him. It's also hard to think of him being a dad. Can you imagine if your father was a feared assassin? Thanks for the review!

:The Mythical Red Lugia:

Hehehe....Roy's not a very good babysitter, is he? Um, do you want your heads back? I'm sure I could get Erk to get them for you.

Erk: Feh. Yeah right.

Thank for the review!

:AmbieChan:

Rei: MUHAHAHAHA! _YES!_ FEAR THE MARKER OF **DOOM!**

Go away, Rei. What would Jaffar do with lion heads? Elephant heads are so much more useful. Yes, I'll be doing HectorxFlorina. Thanks for the review!

:SM together:

Believe me, there's a lot better things to wish for than to be like me. But thanks for the compliment. :) Hope you get feeling better. Thanks for the review!

:turquoisefox:

Oh, Roy will. Roy DEFINATELY will.

Eliwood: =gulp=

Thanks for the review!

:SamMas666:

GAH! NOT THE TUNA FISH! Eliwood will be paired with Ninian, although it's not like it matters that much since this is focused on the dads and their children and not the moms. Thanks for the review! Even though you said you were going to feed my poor face to a tuna.....

:Shinobi Demoness:

Demoness friend! :D I just now realized that. Or did I realize that before, and just forgot I realized that? I have such a bad memory. =sweatdrop= I'm going to do a Guy chapter. I can't do a Matthew one because Serra was with Erk and Leila's dead. Thanks for the review!

:TomDragonblade:

Why does everyone keep saying 'Poor Jaffar'? He had a choice whether to have kids or not. It's just luck of the draw if they're evil brats or not. :D Thanks for the review!

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Arianna: =collapses from exhaustion= Phew. If I forgot anybody, just tell me I'm an idiot and I'll answer you next chapter.

Latisha: Very good. :)

Arianna: Random Question: Why does everyone in FE assume Jaffar and Sonia were friends? In his C support with Legault, Legault says "It's just like your friend Sonia said". And in Jaffar's C support with Nino, Nino says "You and Sonia must have been friends, right?"

Erk: That is a very random question considering Jaffar isn't even in this chapter.

Arianna: That's been bothering me, so I just had to say it. Now I can move on with life.

Erk: =sweatdrop=

Arianna: Thanks for reading! Hope to see you next chapter! And once again, **HAPPY BIRTHDAY DTN!**

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**Fir:** Reading and not reviewing is like going to a restaurant and not leaving a tip. Please review!

**Bartre:** OR WE SHALL SEND THE EVIL POSSESSING SPIRIT OF BANDAGES AFTER YOU!!!

**Fir:** =sweatdrop= Don't threaten the readers, Father.

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	4. Redhaired Runt

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Arianna: "0.0"

Erk: …..What's with her?

Eliwood: Looking at the review counter again. I keep telling her it's broken but she seems to think that there are actually that many reviews.

Erk: The repairman said it's working fine.

Eliwood: …..you mean?

Erk: Yup.

Eliwood: WOOHOO! =jumps up off of Erk and does a victory dance=

Erk: _Finally_ I can get up. I was getting sick of bowing to DTN. =rubs neck=

Arianna: =snaps back to reality= BAD ERKY! Get back down _now_! Get him, Serra!

Serra: =tackles him to the ground so she's lying on top of him= HeeheeHEE! :D

Erk: AH! This looks _wrong_!

Eliwood: HAHA!

Arianna: And now, the much awaited Eliwood and Roy chapter!

Eliwood: WHAAAAAT!?

Erk: HAHA!

Arianna: **ANNOUNCEMENT:** I need to mention a few things. **First**, who is paired with who doesn't really matter! The moms are only in it a couple times! In the first chapter, Serra was only mentioned. So please don't get all huffy if it's a pairing you don't like. **Second**, I'm going to have to use some people twice in different pairings. Example: Serra is going to have to be used in the Matthew one. So do not fret if someone you wanted to have a chapter's only pairing they could have kids with has already been with someone else in another chapter. The third announcement I'll wait till the end to say. Enjoy. :)

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**D: IDOFE** - Stands for 'Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem.'

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"Make the face again, Daddy!" shouted a five year old Roy. Eliwood sighed and tried to reason with his child.

"But I've already made that face fifty-seven times!" whined Eliwood. But Roy would not hear of it. If he wanted to see a funny face, his daddy had _better_ make a funny face. Roy started to hold his breath.

"Oh, all right! I'll make the face! _Breathe_ you crazy kid!" yelled Eliwood. Roy grinned and started inhaling again. Eliwood sighed. '_Why did Ninian have to decide to get the flu now? She knows I can't handle this little brat! He's smarter than me! It's not fair!_' Eliwood whined internally. He sighed once more and pulled his eyelids out while sticking out his tongue. Roy laughed and started to pull at his dad's face. "NO, Roy! Let go of my cheek!" Eliwood screamed and swatted Roy's hand away. Roy's eyes immediately began watering.

"WAAAAAAAH! DADDY HIT ME!" Roy wailed at the top of his lungs. Eliwood worried that Ninian would hear him, so he clamped a hand over Roy's mouth. Roy tried to bite the hand but couldn't move his head far enough to get his teeth on part of it. So instead he started to lick the hand.

"UGH! That's _disgusting_!" Eliwood said in a revolted voice. He took his hand off his son's mouth and wiped it on his pants. As soon as the hand was gone Roy continued screaming about his abusive father to anyone nearby in the castle. Servants shook their heads in pity for the poor child and continued on with their chores. Eliwood freaked out knowing everyone was getting the wrong idea. "I am _not _abusive!" he yelled over Roy's loud cries. "I just need you to **BE QUIET!**" Eliwood screamed louder as Roy started thumping the floor with his small fists. Eliwood was at a loss of what to do, so he got down on his knees and begged. "_Please_, Roy! Please quiet down! I'll do _anything_!" he pleaded. Roy stopped his temper tantrum and looked at his dad with a glint in his eye.

"Anything?" Roy asked, grinning devilishly at the ideas running through his childish brain of what he could make his father do.

"Yes!" Eliwood said, hoping he wouldn't regret it.

"Then for the rest of the day I want to be the one ordering _you_ around!" Roy said. Eliwood looked horrified at the idea. Who knew what his mischievous mini-me would think up for him to do? But he really needed him to be quiet! So he swallowed his pride and nodded at his son. Roy smirked and rubbed his little hands together.

"Excellent." he said in an evil voice. Eliwood looked at him nervously. "First, I want you to GET ME A COOKIE!" Roy demanded. Eliwood thought for a moment. Did they _have_ any cookies? Then he remembered that they had, but he ate the last two that morning.

"We don't have any cookies left, Roy!" Eliwood told him. Roy pouted and glared.

"Buy some." he ordered. Eliwood shook his head and opened his mouth to answer, but Roy acted first. He jumped on Eliwood's back and started pulling at his cheeks. "GET ME COOKIES!" he shouted right in Eliwood's ear.

"AH! Not the cheeks!" Eliwood squealed and started running around the room, bucking like a bull, trying to throw Roy off. Roy held on with one sticky hand and used the other one to pull at Eliwood's hair. Just then, Lowen walked into the room. Well, actually, first he walked into the wall. _Then_ he walked into the room.

"Lord Eliwood, I need your advice on....." Lowen started, but stopped when he saw his lord. "Mi'lord, might I say that's a nice look for you?" Roy's sticky hand pulling on Eliwood's hair had caused it to stay sticking straight up. Eliwood now looked like he had stuck his finger in an electric socket. Of course, they didn't have electricity back then, so maybe I should phrase that differently. Eliwood now looked like he had been hit by a Lightning attack.

"LOWEN! GET HIM OFF ME!" Eliwood screamed in distress to the green-haired soldier as he dropped to the floor and rolled around. But Roy hung on even then. Servants walking through the hallway peeked in to see what the commotion was and winced at the cruelities of their lord. He was now trying to smash his own child alive! Tears came to their eyes at what their once kind lord had become. They walked off to continue with there work as there was nothing they could do to save the poor, little Lord Roy. Meanwhile, Eliwood had stood back up and Lowen was attempting to pull Roy off of him.

"OUCH!" screamed Eliwood. Every time Lowen would pull on Roy, Roy would pull harder on Eliwood's hair.

"COOKIE! COOKIE!" Roy demanded again. Then he bit his father on the ear.

"OWWWW! LOWEN, GET THE DARN KID A COOKIE!" ordered Eliwood as he covered his bitten ear and turned his head so Roy couldn't reach his other one.

"Um, what flavor, mi'lord?" asked Lowen. He watched as Eliwood grabbed a backscratcher and tried to pry Roy off his back with it.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Eliwood screamed back as Roy snatched the backscratcher out of his dad's hand and started banging him over the head with it. Lowen bowed and rushed off to find his lords some cookies. He returned a few minutes later to watch as Roy covered Eliwood's eyes and told his daddy to walk down the stairs.

"I've got the cookies, mi'lord!" announced Lowen. Roy instantly dropped off his father's back and ran to Lowen. He grabbed the cookie bag and tore it open viciously. Eliwood fell to the ground and mumbled something that sounded a lot like 'never should have had kids' or 'did I really need an heir that bad'. Roy bit into the first cookie he got his hands on and chewed loudly.

"Mmmm….BLEH!" he said, spitting the chewed bite of cookie back out right at Lowen's face. So of course that meant it got in Lowen's hair. "It's raisin! EW!" Roy whined.

"LOWEN! How many kids do you know that like raisins?" Eliwood demanded in an exasperated voice from his fetal position on the floor.

"Well, you said _any_ kind. And _I_ like raisins, so…." Lowen explained, wiping the mushy cookie from his hair using the front of his shirt. Eliwood groaned into the carpet and forced himself back to his feet.

"I'll get you cookies later, Roy. I promise!" Eliwood told his son as Roy spit multiple times onto the floor, attempting to get the raisin taste from his mouth. Lowen stared at the two for a moment before quietly backing out of the room and running for his quarters. Once there, he would lock the door and then take a shower, locking the bathroom door, scrubbing his hair over and over until the smell of raisin cookie was gone. But we don't care what Lowen does, do we? Once Roy got the awful taste out of his mouth, he glared at his apologetic father. "Me don't want cookie now! Me want….."

"Yes?" Eliwood asked nervously.

"HORSIE RIDE!" yelled Roy. Eliwood stared at Roy in confusion.

"But…you don't have a horse." said Eliwood, hoping that Roy didn't mean he wanted to ride Eliwood's horse. It was _his_ horse, _his_. And he didn't want some evil brat getting his sticky hands all over her beautiful mane. Even if it was _his _evil brat.

"No! Not _real_ horsie, you horsie!" Roy explained to the horror of his father. Eliwood shook his head.

"I'm not crawling around on the floor!" he stated. But as he did, Roy's bottom lip began to tremble.

"You said you'd do _anything!_" Roy complained. "You a big, meanie liar!" he declared, than stomped on Eliwood's foot.

"Ouch! All right, all right! I'll be a horse! Sheesh!" Eliwood said. He got down on all fours and Roy climbed on his back with a victorious smile.

"Go, horsie! Go!" Roy yelled and hit Eliwood's sides with his feet. Eliwood winced and started crawling around the room. "Me wanna go outside! Go outside, horsie!" Eliwood froze. No way was he going out there and letting people see him like this!

"But horsie's afraid of outside!" Eliwood said, desperately searching for an excuse not to publicly humiliate himself.

"GO! GO! GO!" Roy shouted and hit his feet on Eliwood's sides again. Eliwood grumbled under his breath some choice words and began crawling out the door. As he crawled down the hallway, servants gave him strange looks and whispered to each other. Eliwood felt his face become as red as his hair but he kept crawling. If it would appease the demon spawn that was his own, then it was worth the embarrassment. When they got to a particularly crowded hallway Roy told his father "Neigh! You gotta neigh! Horsies go neigh!" The servants and such that were in the hallway turned and stared at the strange sight of their lord crawling down the hallway with his son on his back. Eliwood wasn't quite sure how to make a neighing noise.

"Brrrr…..no, that's not it. Um, rrrrr. No, not it either. Heck with it, NEIGH! NEIGH!" Eliwood muttered, feeling very degraded as he crawled his way through the crowd of people. It wasn't that difficult seeing as everyone was darting out of the way. They feared that the lord had gone insane and might attack them. As they passed by certain people Eliwood would greet them with things like "Hello, how are you this fine afternoon?" or "How do you do? I'm Marquess Pherae." and one "Sir Marcus, fine day, eh?" The old soldier stared at his lord and watched him as he crawled down the hallway and out the front door of the castle. He shook his head and remembered the good old days of Lord Elbert. _He_ would have never forgotten that today was his 'Important Nobles Meeting' and then later have crawled past the forgotten and irritated nobles pretending to be a horse.

Once outside, Roy dismounted his 'horse' and chased after a butterfly. Eliwood stood up and stretched his poor back. Roy wasn't as light as he used to be. He watched his son put on the farce of an innocent child as he chased the butterfly past the group of now leaving nobles. The nobles had decided that Marquess Pherae was insane and therefore there was no point in meeting with him. "Bye, bye!" Roy called to the departing upperclassmen and waved. None of them waved back, which made little Roy very sad. He frowned and sauntered back over to his father.

"Me no want outside anymore." said Roy in a sad voice. "Me want…."

"Yes?" Eliwood asked, dreading the answer but supposing there could be nothing worse than pretending to be a horse.

"Me want….a cake!" Roy said. "A big, chocolate cake!" he elaborated. Eliwood slumped and shook his head.

"You just had cookies! Besides, Lowen is probably too busy washing his hair to bake you a cake." Eliwood reasoned.

"The cookies were yucky! Me want cake! You bake cake! You the daddy!" Roy whined. Eliwood had no idea what being a dad had to do with baking a cake, but he decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot.

"All right. I'll try to make a cake." Eliwood said and walked back inside the castle with his son skipping along beside him. Then hopping beside him, then running beside him, then finally dancing beside him once they reached the kitchen. The cooks had heard about how their lord was acting that day and had dispersed from the kitchen when they heard the red-haired lordlings coming. "Hmph." Eliwood grumbled upon seeing the empty kitchen. "You think there'd be at least _one_ cook around." But he had seen Lowen make cakes many times before so he pulled the ingredients from the cupboards and got the utensils from the drawers all the while dodging Roy who was now singing to go along with his dance. As Eliwood attempted to crack eggs, Roy stole his spoon to use as a microphone, so there was a small chase as Eliwood tried to get the spoon back. Once he had mixed everything into the bowl he poured it into the cake pan and stuck it in the stone oven.

"Are you sure that's what it's supposed to look like, daddy?" asked Roy, peering at the grayish-brown batter that was in the pan.

"Sure I'm sure." Eliwood replied in a confident voice. But he wasn't sure at all. The batter looked a bit too brown. Maybe he had put too many eggs in? The recipe had said half a dozen. And if he remembered correctly from his math studies, a dozen was one hundred and twenty. Or was that twelve? Eh, too late now. He had already put sixty eggs in. A lot of crushed egg shells littered the floor from where Roy had taken the shells and smashed them all over by jumping on them.

"Now what?" asked Roy in a bored voice.

"We sit and behave while we wait for the cake to bake." Eliwood told him to Roy's dismay.

"That sounds boring." Roy replied, nudging an already broken shell with his foot.

"If you don't sit _real_ quiet, the cake won't turn out right." Eliwood warned his son. Roy just stuck out his tongue.

"It's not gonna come out right anyways." Roy said in a flat voice. "It's all ugly colored."

"Just wait and see." Eliwood said. But what he wanted Roy to see we may never know for at that moment the cake batter exploded in the oven. The force from the explosion blew the stove door open and sent batter flying all over the kitchen and onto our beloved lord and little lord.

"Cool!" said Roy, picking pieces of the batter out of his hair and eating them. "Do it again!" he told his dad.

"ROY! Don't eat that!" scolded Eliwood. He wasn't sure if it was poisonous or not. He looked at his now gray and brown son, and then down at his own newly colored self. "We had better clean ourselves up." said Eliwood. Roy's nose scrunched up and he shook his head no. "You don't want to be sticky all day, do you?" Eliwood asked the mischievous child. Roy grinned and nodded his head. Eliwood sighed and realized he should have never asked. He grabbed his son by the shirt and carried him, protesting and yelling all the way, down the hall and out into the courtyard. They left a trail of gray and brown that the servants would later find and wonder if it was their lord's brains finally falling out. But it's not later yet. Eliwood dropped his tantrum throwing child into the fountain in the center of the courtyard. Roy stopped and looked around. It took a second, but once he realized where he was he started splashing in the fountain.

"I'm a fishy!" he said as he turned on his stomach and kicked his legs. Eliwood knew Ninian would never approve if she saw him giving his son a bath in the expensive marble fountain. But she wasn't there, was she? So he went ahead and did just that. And by the time he was done Roy had splashed him so many times and shoved his head underwater so often that he was washed off also. Now the problem was finding a way to get both of them dry before they went back inside the castle. Roy solved the problem for him.

Climbing out of the fountain, Roy decided on a new game to play. "Let's play tag, Daddy!" he said. Eliwood didn't like the idea of running around so much but decided it was better than trying to wrestle his son with a towel. "TAG! You're it!" Roy screamed while slapping his father as hard as he could on the leg, which wasn't very hard since he was only five. Then he ran as fast as he could away from his dad, which wasn't very fast since he was only five. Eliwood waited a moment before starting to chase. It was a very long moment. Eliwood yawned and wondered if the kitchen would be clean by dinner time. He finally remembered what he was supposed to be doing and looked around, but he could not see Roy anywhere.

"Roy?" he called, even though he should have realized that it would do no good. He walked around the courtyard and gardens until he spotted his son climbing a vine on a wall. "ROY! Don't climb that!" he yelled at him. But Roy climbed to the top anyways, of course. Eliwood rushed over to the wall and started shouting a mixture of threats and pleas at Roy. Roy just laughed at his dumb daddy and sat down to watch the show. It didn't disappoint him. Eliwood tried to climb the vines to get up to Roy, but they just snapped when he was halfway up. He fell back to the earth with a loud thump. He pondered ideas to rescue his son whilst Roy grabbed some acorns from the nearest tree and started pelting his dad with them.

"I got it!" Eliwood suddenly shouted as he jumped to his feet. Or tried to, at least. All the acorns had been piling up around him without him noticing. When he tried to stand his feet rolled off the acorns and sent him flying back to the ground, landing him on some particularly hard acorns. "OUCH!" he announced loudly in pain. Roy laughed at his silly daddy. But he grew tired of being at the top of the wall.

"Catch me, Daddy!" he said as he jumped off the wall.

"What!? NO! ROY! DOOOON'T!" Eliwood screamed in distress as he attempted to get to his feet again so he could catch him. But he once again went rolling back down to the dirt. And Roy fell down onto the ground. Eliwood stared at the unmoving body of his son with a white face completely frozen in horror. "R-R-Roy?" he said while crawling over to his son. He stared at his son for a moment. He was about to check his pulse when Roy stirred. Roy sat up and started bawling.

"BAD DADDY! BAD, BAD, BAAAAD DADDY! ME NO LIKE DADDY! DADDY LET ME GO THUMP!" he wailed as he held his head in pain.

"I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry, Roy!" Eliwood apologized as he attempted to comfort his angered son. "How about I get you some candy from the market place?" he suggested. Roy suddenly stopped crying.

"Me got better idea." Roy said, glaring at his father for not catching him. "Me _PUNISH YOU!_" he said, shaking his fist at his dad.

"Umm…punish me _how_ exactly?" Eliwood asked in disbelief that he, the hero who had saved all of Elibe, was being threatened by his five year old son.

"You shall….." Roy started. Eliwood leaned closer in anxiousness. "TAKE A NAP!" Roy said, than cackled at his most evil punishment. Or giggled, actually. I don't think five year olds know how to cackle too well. Eliwood stared at Roy in confusion for a few seconds. Then a light bulb blinked on in his head.

Eliwood suppressed a smile as he answered with fake horror, "Oh no! Please, anything but that!" Roy giggled/cackled once again.

"Yes! And to make it worse, me gonna sit _really _quiet so you don't even have a chance of being woken up by me!" Yes, it was quite an ingenious plan to a young boy. Eliwood sighed in mock defeat.

"Okay, I'll take a nap. But it is really a rather harsh punishment just for not catching you when you jumped! Are you sure you can't give me a less cruel fate?" Eliwood asked with a fake look of fear and hope. Roy just shook his head no and smiled.

"No! Daddy go take nap!" he said. So up the stairs walked Roy and his ever so (cough) distraught father, Lord Eliwood. Roy marched Eliwood down the hall and into the guest bedroom where Eliwood had been staying while Ninian had the flu. "Get in bed!" Roy commanded when they entered the room. Eliwood paused again.

"Are you _sure_ you won't reconsider?" he pleaded, looking at the bed with a fake face of terror. Roy frowned and pointed at the bed. Eliwood's shoulders slumped in what looked liked resignation, but could have also been relief or exhaustion. "Alright…" Eliwood gave in. He climbed into the bed and turned on his side to watch as his son closed the curtains to the window and then sat down on the floor near the bed, ready to be perfectly quiet so his dad would have to suffer longer by sleeping more.

"Close your eyes!" Roy told his dad. Eliwood quickly obeyed. He was soon snoring softly. Roy sat watch over his napping father. But as the minutes rolled by, he could feel his eyes drooping and his thoughts becoming woozy. He climbed onto the bed beside Eliwood and went to sleep. Eliwood opened one eye and gave a small grin when he saw his sleeping son. Then he let himself drift into sleep.

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Eliwood: Why was my child so _evil_? And why did he boss me around so much?

Erk: It's to make up for you being such a goody-goody.

Eliwood: I am not a goody-goody!

Arianna: Just writing that ending made me feel tired. =closes eyes=

Latisha: HEY! WAKE UP! =slap= You've got review responses to do!

Arianna: =grumble=

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**REVIEW RESPONSES**

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:SDS-Yukichan: I think I actually updated this pretty quick. At least for me. :) Thanks for the review!

:potter29vo: I tried not to mention Ninian too often. And I didn't even have her make an appearance. I don't want to have the moms in it too often since everyone seems to be getting so picky about the pairings. Yes, there is going to be a RavenxRebecca chapter. :D Hehe. Poor Wolt. Of course I support your fics, they're wonderful! Thanks for the review!

:NekoRaven: One of the best stories EVER!? I'm so happy you think that. :) Luckily for Fir she seemed to have her mother's intelligence. Did you like the Eliwood and Roy chapter? Roy is quite a bossy little fellow, eh? :) Thanks for the review!

:chel bel: I've known Bartre was an idiot since in one of his supports he said he was going to a punch a rock to make his head stop hurting. O.o; Don't worry, I don't _think_ there are too many kids that evil. And I pray that there aren't any kids as dumb as Bartre. :D Thanks for the review!

:enangl27: Yes, I will be doing a RavenxRebecca one. It will probably be next. Ooooooh, a teenager one. That will be fun. :) Thanks for the suggestion! I shall do. Many thanks for the review!

:R Amythest: LMAO! The way you said that cracked me up. 'Some random weird kid'. Lol. You have given me a great idea! There shall be a Lucius chapter where he takes care of the kids in his orphanage. :D Thanks for the idea! I had no idea about Fir's name in Japanese. Rather strange to change it to Fir in American. In order for Guy to have a kid I'm going to have to put him with Priscilla. I'll try not to mention her too often, though, since it is _Dads_ and Darlings. Hmmm….I don't know if I will use the ones from FE6 since I don't know much about them. Maybe if I get through with all the dads in FE7 and still want to continue I will. Thanks for all the suggestions. :D And thanks for the review! Oh, also, did you get that song file?

:avi17: I think Rath only has the one kid, Sue. That will be fun. :)

Sue: Hello, Dad!

Rath: …..

Sue: Dad, I don't feel we communicate as a child and parent!

Rath: …..

Sue: Fine, Dad, BE THAT WAY! =storms off to room in tears=

Hehe. :D

Sorry, but there will be LynxKent. But there will also be LynxRath since Rath can only be paired with Lyn. The mom really doesn't matter. Did you enjoy Eliwood's fun day with Roy? :) Thanks for the two reviews!

:Seventh Sage: HAHAHA! And did you exorcise Serra? Did she have the evil spirit of the bandages in her? :D You're probably right about the name thing. Bartre is an axe man so it would probably make sense he would name his kid after a tree. :) Oh, come on, can't you see the wonderful qualities of Bartre? He's stupid, ugly, and clumsy. Who wouldn't want a man like him? I'm very much joking here. =sweatdrop= I don't understand it either. He scares me too. O.o; Thanks for the review!

:SamMas666: Wow, you managed to scare Jaffar. Add 130 points to your 10 points from FEI. I don't know what the points do, but it's nice to have them. :) Thanks for the review!

:lugiamania: Poor Fir, having to babysit her own dad. And she probably doesn't even get paid for it either. Wow, a lot of people wanted the Eliwood chapter. I hope I didn't disappoint anyone. Thanks for the review! :)

:Silver Shadow: EEEEP! No bandages! I updated! Sue's mom will have to be Lyn. But Kent's kid's mom will also be Lyn. He he.

-; Cont. from review response for avi17 ;-

Sue: Mother! Dad won't talk-MOTHER! Who is _that_!?

Lyn: This is Kent, sweetheart. He's my second husband.

Sue: !!!

Lyn: And this is our child.

Kent's Kid: Hello, half-sister.

Sue: My parents are the _WORST_! =storms back to room again=

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Thanks for the review!

:Inferno-Hero: Good thing you breathed again. I know CPR, but I'm not very good at it. :) Besides loving ErkxSerra, I also thought Serra's kid would be funnier than Priscilla's would. Ew, Max, you actually ate one of those things? =shudder= Thanks for the review!

:Kitty Merow: I could do a Legault one where he takes care of a young Nino. :) Not a dad but she does call him uncle. And I'll do a Matthew and Serra one. Thanks for the review!

:asidogoo: The ending to this chapter was also cutsie. What is with the cute? I usually don't write cute. Hm. Oh well. It's doing well so I can't complain. I updated pretty soon for a lazy person like me. :) Thanks for the review!

:The-Lady-of-Lucius: COOKIE! Is it chocolate chip? :D Yes, next I will be doing a RavenxRebecca chapter. I'll try to have 'Uncle Lucy' make a guest appearance. :) Thanks for the review!

:FireEdge: I'm more of a HeathxPriscilla fan too but Guy can only have kids with Priscilla. I'll have a HeathxPriscilla chapter too, though. HeathxVaida makes me twitch. Guy probably won't be a very assertive parent. Hehe. Thanks for the review!

:Emotion Changing Reviewer: I'll talk about the mom thing right after these review responses. The scary thing is that Bartre and Karel get along in FE6. O.o; Thanks for the reviews!

:Crazed Fox: I will be doing a chapter with Pent and his two kids. I believe the son's name is Klein. Hawkeye and Igrene will be interesting. They live in a desert in a city with dragons and humans, after all. :) Thanks for the review!

:KentxLyn Fan: I don't know how soon I'll do the Kent and Lyn one. It's just whichever I feel like doing when I decide to update. The naming kids after people thing gave me an idea. I'll probably have them have a daughter named Madelyn since Lyn's mom was named Madelyn.

-; Cont. from avi17 response and Silver Shadow reponse ;-

Madelyn: Mother, why do I have a half-sister?

Lyn: Well, I'm in love with your father and her father. I couldn't decide which one I loved more, so I had a kid with both. :D

Madelyn: That…doesn't…sound…legal…O.o;

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Hmmm….I don't know if I'd put Sain with Fiora since I don't know their supports. I might if I can find them somewhere. Thanks for the review!

:TFRiD Queen: Wow, people are really hyped about this GuyxPriscilla thing. Either they're strongly for it or strongly against it. Thanks for the review!

:Shinobi Demoness: Maybe Raven doesn't know Guy and Priscilla had a kid. Of course, that would be mean not to let the kid know his own uncle. I'll go ahead and put Matthew with Serra so he can get a chapter. Roy's quite mean to his poor dad, huh? :) Thanks for the review!

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Arianna: Phew……zzzzz…..

Latisha: WAKE UP! You still have an announcement left!

Arianna: Huh? Oh. **LAST ANNOUNCEMENT:** I'm seriously thinking about this sibling fic thing using the moms that has been mentioned. So I'd like you people to tell me whether you think I should or not. It wouldn't actually be called 'Moms and Monsters'. That was just a joke. So, yes or no? Now, I'm tired. Goodnight. Zzzz…..

Latisha: =sigh=

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**Roy:** Review or you will be forced to eat the gray and brown stuff! And then you will _TAKE A NAP!_ =giggles=

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	5. Mercenary's Munchkin

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**WASTING A FEW MOMENTS OF YOUR TIME**

Song I'm Listening To While Writing This: Yu Yu Hakusho's Rocket Hanabi no Love Song. Special cookie and 500 points to anyone who has heard the song and can name the YYH characters that sing it! Don't hurt yourself trying to find out if you don't know. The cookie and points aren't real, but imaginary cookies are better than nothing and it's good to have reserve imaginary points when your real ones run out.

Eliwood: Writing chapters while packing for vacation, thinking of funny things to type while suffering from a horrible cold, it's SUPER ARIANNA!

Nils: =plays trumpet=

Arianna: Yes, yes, here I am. Even though in my profile I said that I probably wouldn't be typing this, I am. Dang muses caught me again. Well, if you're just here for the chapter and couldn't care less about anything else to do with me start scrolling now because I have one or two things to mention.

Erk: =large, obvious yawn=

Arianna: =ahem= First and foremost, MERCI MUCHO DTN-SAMA!

Erk: That was the strangest combination of languages I've seen in a single sentence since Arianna got in an argument with that girl who spoke German/French/English and Spanish.

Arianna: DTN-sama drew a very cute and funny comic depicting the beginning scene in chapter 2 with Jaffar and his twins. It was exactly what I had pictured in my mind while writing it. If anyone would like to see it, the link is in my profile.

Erk: =leaves town before he has to bow to DTN again=

Arianna: Secondly, but still importantly, as you might know by now all my script stories had to be deleted because of rules. However, I have put them up on a website. That link is also in my profile. Thank you so much to anyone who every reviewed those stories! I shall be continuing FEI on that site. Voting for the finals will probably have to be done through email or guestbook….

Eliwood: Hey! Wrong story! Get back to this one!

Arianna: Lastly, I tried out that thing for the highly recommended stories on the Fire Emblem section and I was shocked and thrilled to see this story in it! Thank you so much to anyone who clicked to 'highly recommend this story' while reviewing! Well, I'm done.

**YOU CAN STOP SCROLLING NOW**

Arianna: But I will be back at the end of the chapter….hehehe…

Erk: =somewhere in the far north=

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**DISCLAIMER:** And Arianna said "Let it be known that I do not own the wonderful and powerful 'Fire Emblem'! I am yet another admirer of it trying to show it some glory in my own, strange ways."

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_Tick, tock, tick, tick, tock, tick, tock….._

Time had never passed slower than these last few minutes had. The reason was Rebecca had gone shopping and left a rather grumpy Raven in charge of his son, Wolt. Raven stared at the clock as it ticked off another minute of the hours that were ahead of him. He loved his wife and being around his wife. He loved his wife with his son and being around his wife when she was with his son. He loved his son. He did not, however, love being with his son. He glared over at the quiet (so far) child sitting near the sofa. Wolt was playing with a toy bow and some fake arrows he had gotten for his birthday. Raven looked back at the clock.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock….._

Another minute had passed without catastrophe. He glared back over at his son.

And he wasn't there.

"WHERE'D YOU GO YOU BLOODY BRAT!?" Raven roared as he grabbed his sword that had been lying near his chair and surveyed the room for possible hiding places or exits. He had been prepared for this, so he had made sure to keep his weapon nearby. He stalked down the hall listening closely for any hints at where his son had gone. His head twisted sharply as he heard a sound coming from the room beside him. He threw open the door.

"AAAAAHHHH! BAD DADDY! NO PEEKING WHEN I'M LEAKING!" cried 6 year old Wolt as he quickly jumped off the toilet and pulled up his pants.

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going!?" Raven yelled at poor, violated Wolt.

"Me had to go reeeaaal bad!" Wolt whined. "And you just kept staring at tick-tocker and wouldn't pay no attention to me! So me left for bathroom like a big boy!" Raven sighed inwardly. He decided it was good that his son was at least potty trained now. He remembered a few unpleasant nights where he would wake up to find himself in a wet bed with his wife and son sleeping next to him, and he seriously doubted it was his wife who had caused the wetness.

"Wash your hands and then get back to the sitting room." Raven ordered as he stomped back to his chair by the clock. He heard running water and then a few moments later Wolt walked into the room and continued playing with his toy. Raven stared at the clock. Only four minutes had passed since he had last checked it! Would this day never end? He looked back over to his silent son to find Wolt staring at him intently in deep thought. "What, brat?" he asked gruffly. He didn't like the way the kid was looking at him. He didn't like the way ANY kids looked at him.

"Daddy, how come I look so much more like Mommy's friend Wil than I do like you?" Wolt asked innocently.

Raven choked.

Raven froze.

Raven grew angry.

Raven grew VERY angry.

Raven grew super-d-duper-d angry.

In fact, he got so angry that he jumped to his feet and grabbed his son by the back of his shirt. Then he stormed out the door and down the road. About 2 miles down the path he remembered that Wil was in Caelin (or Ostia, for you technical people), and it would take a few days to walk there. So he stomped back to his house. He left deep footprints in the dirt road as a way to vent his fury. He flung the door open to his home and dropped his son back beside his toy bow, then he slumped back by the clock. Wolt, completely unfazed by the whole episode, just picked up his toys again. He was used to those kinds of reactions from his daddy when he asked questions. Raven glared at the ever-so-slow clock. Only 20 minutes had passed! He fumed over the slow time and the possibility that Rebecca had been cheating on him for about 5 more minutes. But Wolt was growing bored, so he decided to talk to daddy. Being carried by his shirt down the road was better than dying of boredom.

"Daddy?" he said in a questioning tone. Raven was thrown form his train of thought and could not get back on it no matter what. He glared at the ignorant person who DARED to interrupt his musings! He saw it was Wolt. He came to the realization that he could, in fact, kill Wolt and not feel guilty about it since Wolt apparently wasn't his child to begin with. He grabbed his ever-close sword with a grim smirk. He stood up and walked towards the frightened child.

"Umm….Daddy…." Wolt said nervously as he backed up quickly. He didn't like the look in his Daddy's eyes. It was almost as scary a look as the time he had accidentally spilled pink finger paint all over his daddy's shirts and he had to go around wearing them and getting sniggered at until his mommy got stuff to wash it out with. He snapped back to reality as his daddy raised his sword and drew closer. His eyes got wider as he came even closer.

Closer….

Closer….

Even closer….

(A/N:

Eliwood: Holy cheese, is this an incest fic!?

Arianna: =WHACK= NOOOO!)

Raven brought his sword up to end the life of the little terror that had plagued his life for the last 6 years.

**KNOCK KNOCK**

A loud knock at the door made Raven stop and turn swiftly to face the front door. Someone was pounding on it in a rhythm that sounded like….'Jingle Bells'!?!? He dropped his sword to his side and walked over to the front door. He opened it to see blonde hair and bright, blue eyes looking cheerfully up at him.

"Hello, Lord Raymond! Has it really been two years? My, how time flies! Well, I was just in the neighborhood since I got some random hobo to watch my orphanage for the day and I happened to run into your lovely wife in the market! Charming girl, really, I don't know why she ever married you. Just kidding, just kidding, Lord Raymond! Well, anyways, she told me that you were watching little Wolt today so I thought Uncle Lucy had better pay a visit and make sure his favorite nephew hadn't been murdered by his loving father yet." After that last sentence Lucius' eyes dropped to the sword at Raven's side. "And judging by the weapon you're holding I was just in time, too! Really, Lord Raymond, you do need to go to those group therapy sessions! I know, I know, you don't want to have to sit so long around angry strangers but believe me, they do help! Did wonders for Arianna after that whole adventure was over. Was that _really_ over six years ago? My, how time flies! Wait, did I already say that? Oh dear, must be my age getting to my head, tee hee!" Lucius said in one big breath.

"Lucius, how did you get from Araphen to here so fast?" Raven asked as he thought of his own short-lived trek to Caelin.

"Plot holes, my dear Lord Raymond. They make the stories go around." Lucius giggled and then finally took a much needed breath. Raven took this time to get out of the doorway.

"Come in." Raven commanded and then led the way to the sitting room. He stopped short in the doorway as he saw the room. Wolt had vanished!

"Er….Lord Raymond? Don't you think this is a rather small sitting room?" Lucius asked as he looked around the hallway. "And shouldn't a sitting room have somewhere to sit?" he questioned. Raven turned around with his eye twitching.

"Wolt is gone." Raven stated grimly. Lucius stared in confusion. Then his face suddenly went stark white as he gasped.

"You didn't…oh, no, you _didn't_, did you, Lord Raymond? Oh my…oh my…" Lucius cried as he fanned himself with his hand. Raven's eyebrows furrowed.

"No, I didn't kill the kid, no matter how tempting it may be. He's hiding around here somewhere." Raven said and stared coldly around hoping to catch a glimpse of his hidden son's whereabouts. The color flowed back into Lucius' face.

"Oh, well, that's good! Hiding I can deal with. Murdered child, well, that's one for the authorities." Lucius said, smiling. He started to walk around the room calling to Wolt. "Nephew! Nephew Wolt! Your Uncle Lucy is here to see you and would appreciate it very much if you would come out and visit with him for awhile!" A small ruffling sound was heard from under the sofa.

"But if I come out, Daddy make me dead!" Wolt cried from under the sofa. Then he sneezed as a dust bunny hopped by his nose.

"Bless you." the dust bunny said, than he continued hopping on his hoppy way to under the nearest bed.

Raven's eye twitched a second time. "Oh, he was just _teasing_ you!" Lucius giggled. "Really, why would your father ever want you dead? He loves you very much! Now, please come out from under the sofa! I want to see how big you've grown!" he pleaded. Wolt squirmed out from under the sofa.

"How'd you know I was under there, Uncle Lucy?" he asked as he brushed stray bits of dust off his clothes. Lucius gave a small smile.

"Oh, lucky guess, I suspect. My, how big you've gotten!" Lucius told Wolt as he helped him get the dust off. Wolt beamed proudly. "You're going to turn out to be a fine mercenary, just like your father!" Lucius said. Wolt shook his head.

"Nu uh. Me no want to use sword. I wanna be an archer like mommy!" Wolt said proudly. Lucius arched an eyebrow and chanced a look at Raven, who had just gave another eye twitch.

"Oh, really? Well, I'm sure you'll be a great archer! Now, I really must hurry off. So sorry I couldn't visit long, but I'm not sure that hobo knows how to cook so he might not feed the children and a large group of hungry kids is just not a pretty sight. Well, see you soon, I hope!" Lucius said his farewells and swept towards the door in his elegant manner. But just as he was about to open the door, it was opened for him. Rebecca was home.

"Hello, Monk Lucius! I'm glad to see you again so soon! Is my family well?" she chirped.

"Oh, they're just fine, but you might want to reconsider sending Lord Raymond to those anger management classes. It seems he attempted to murder Wolt again. Well, I really must be off. I cannot leave my flock in the hands of a homeless for much longer now, can I? Farewell Rebecca, Lord Raymond, Nephew!" Lucius smoothly stated and hurried down the road. Wolt gave a small wave. Raven gritted his teeth.

"LUUUUUUUCIUUUUUUUUUUUUSSS!" he shouted so loudly that the house shook. Lucius skipped down the path whistling a happy tune. Rebecca took a moment to let what Lucius had told her sink in.

"Attempted to murder…….Wolt………….**AGAIN!?!?**" she started out softly and then ended in a shriek. "RAVEN, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? WOULD YOU REALLY MURDER OUR ONLY SON!?!?" she screamed at him. Flames sprung to Raven's eyes.

"You mean _your_ son." he stated in a deathly quiet voice. Rebecca stared at him in utter shock.

"Wh-what on Elibe are you talking about!?" she spluttered. Raven's eyes narrowed to slits.

"He's Wil's son, not mine. It is quite obvious. He looks more like him than me and he acts like him." Raven said shortly. Rebecca's hands curled into fists.

"**YOU IDIOT!!! HOW COULD HE BE WIL'S SON WHEN I'VE BEEN WITH YOU FOR THE LAST SEVEN OR SO YEARS AND WIL'S BEEN IN CAELIN!? EXPLAIN THAT ONE!!!**" she screeched. Raven's mouth opened and closed five times. Wolt walked to his room and grabbed his pen that was hanging by his calendar on the wall. He talked out loud as he wrote a note in his journal by his bed.

_"Day 27 of Operation 'Drive Daddy Demented'.__ (a.k.a Operation D.D.D or Triple D) Plan number 27 was a success, also. Uncle Lucy came through with flying colors with his not-so-subtle mention to Mommy about Daddy's recent developing temper fits. Uncle Lucy will be receiving payment shortly. Really have no idea why Daddy's been so angry these last 27 days. Really. Plan 27 really made Plan 26 (sleeping with Mommy and Daddy , than peeing bed) look very amateur, but it still came no where close to Plan 18. ('accidently' spilling pink finger paint on all of Daddy's shirts) I will continue to examine the results from each plan as to find what really drives Daddy insane. Then, I shall write a book of the top twenty ways to drive daddys crazy and title it 'Top __Twenty Ways__ to Drive Daddys Crazy'. Then, I shall sell it to all the children in the world with daddys and I will make MILLIONS! MERHERHERHER!_

_- Wolt_

_Note To Self: I need new evil laugh._

Wolt checked over his entry in his journal and then stuck it back in its secret compartment in the bedside table. He grinned as he heard the sweet sound of Daddy trying to hopelessly defend himself against the anger of Mommy. He felt satisfaction that his experiment was going as planned. He then went to practice his archery. Incase for some reason the book thing didn't work out, he could always be an archer!

* * *

Latisha: I think every kid in this story has a copy of that book.

Erk: =wanders back into story= You mean I missed it? Darn! I wanted to see that stupid Raven being tortured by his brat!

Raven: WHO YOU CALLIN' STUPID!?

Erk: Uhh…never mind.

Arianna: Well, sorry if this chapter was short and odd. The cold has gone to my head and I'm suffering from some delirium. At least, that's what my excuse card says. I have to go sleep now since we're leaving tomorrow morning for the beach. My parents seem to think it will be fun to drive straight into a hurricane. So, if I never update again, you know what happened!

Erk: =crosses fingers= Please…please….please….

Arianna: Aw, how sweet! Erky's praying for my safe return!

Eliwood: Somehow I doubt that's what he's praying for.

Arianna: Okay, here comes the review responses!

* * *

**REVIEW RESPONSES**

* * *

:Kitty Merow: 

Eliwood: What's wrong with my brown, gray, and gooey cake?

Erk: A lot of things. First, it's brown and gray. Second, it's gooey. Third-

Eliwood: I get the picture….

I felt I owed a cute ending since the last two didn't have anything cutesie. Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!

:Ryzuki:

I am…continuing….not very soon. But hey, it could've been later! Really, everyone reading this should be very grateful to me for updating before I go on vacation!

Readers: =asleep, like most normal people at the hour of the night that I always seem to end up typing at=

Thanks for the review!

:FireEdge:

Yes, Heath and Vaida very, very, very WRONG! It shall not happen as long as I am writer of this fic! Raven was the tormented one in this chapter, as all dads must be in this story. Although at first it seemed like Wolt would be. Thanks for the review!

:NekoRaven:

Eliwood: Bad Roy! No biting finger! You don't know where it's been!

Roy: =continues biting away=

Eliwood: =sigh=

Yes, Serra and Matthew's kid should be interesting. It will probably have to take after Matthew since Amy was like Serra. Or maybe it will be a mix of both parents. Thanks for the review!

:Silver Shadow:

Bartre: NOOOO! CURSED BANDAGES, WHY DO YOU HAUNT ME SO!!!!???!!!

Hm. There's a man not afraid to show his inner insecurities. Glad I could cause a cackle. Cackling is the best laugh. Thanks for the review!

:SDS-Yukichan:

Aren't they all evil children? Well, Lilina won't be. Or else she'll be an innocent evil, if that's even possible. Thanks for the review!

:Emotion Changing Reviewer:

Roy: WAAAH! She called me a freak!

Eliwood: =muttering= You are…

A CONTROL freak, not just a freak.

Roy: Oh. Okay. :)

Thanks for the review!

:haha81290:

What parts did you find confusing? If you ever can't figure something out feel free to ask me about it. I have a very strange sense of humor so I throw in a lot of confusing jokes that really have to be thought about a lot to be understood. It's what happens when I spend too much time thinking of a joke and can't find a way to use it in real life so I have to find a place to throw it into my fanfiction. Well, I won't go into a whole explanation of how I write fanfiction or I'd be here all night. Thanks for the review! It was one of those reviews that really get me thinking.

:enangl27:

Sixteen days? Wow, I wouldn't survive! I'm barely going to make it a week! Black Fang's children? Hmmm…..Nergal raising his morphs, maybe? Scary, yet interesting. I will ponder that while I sit on beach. If I make it to the beach without getting blown away by the hurricane. Thanks for the review!

:Lloyd Irving:

No, I didn't think it sounded like you hated it. Believe me, I can tell when someone hates one of my fics. They're not too quiet about it. Thanks for the review!

:LynxKent Fan:

Ummm….I'm going to have to mention Rath since it's about the dads and their kids. But I could try not to mention Lyn too often. She'll probably only be mentioned once in the very beginning to make an excuse about where she went for the day. Thank you so much for the support conversations! I should be able to do a SainxFiora chapter now. Thanks for the review!

:SamMas666:

All imaginary points can now be traded in for imaginary prizes. Like the amazing imaginary slinky. Or the imaginary pony. Thanks for the review!

:RBMIfan:

Next I want to do Hector's but after that I'll be doing Lucius'. I just have a lot of ideas in my head for Hector's that I want to get done. I need that brain space. Thanks for the review!

:SweetMisery430:

Lugh: =sniff= Mommy no love us!

Eliwood had one brat, Nino had two. Somebody's gotta have three! Probably Sain since he seems to like that kinda stuff. Roy just seems the bratty type, huh? Thanks for the review!

:TFRiD Queen:

MUHAHAHA! TORMENT THEM ALL!

Female FE Characters: Eeep.

Latisha: I've never been so glad to not be a mom!

Thanks for the review!

:lugiamania:

No, I'm not a WilxRebecca fan, sorry. But I did throw in a few hints at it. I probably won't work on the sibling fic until I get some more time. Right now I have thirty minutes to finish these review responses and pretend I've been asleep all night. Hehehehe…yes, the moms need to have a hard time, too. Thanks for the review!

:SainPriestessSorakh:

I like that idea! But I probably won't do that until I'm through with all the males in FE7. Then I'll start with everyone and their dad. Oh my, this is going to go on forever…. Thanks for the review!

:Toe-taly-skrewed:

I'm glad you love it. :D Thanks for the review!

:Jeanie:

Hmm…I'd rather have Legault taking care of Nino just because of how funny it sounds. But I really appreciate your idea! I'm glad when people suggest things and help me out. And even when I don't use a specific idea, I usually take something from it or it leads me to another idea. Rath and Sue is going to be the easiest chapter ever. Barely any words. :D Thanks for the review!

:purpleflamepyrogirl:

Ummm…do you need an inhaler? Because I have one you could use. Or I could just have Bartre give you mouth to mouth. There, that got you up, didn't it? :D

Bartre: Shucks…

Thanks for the review! And don't feel bad, my parents always give me weird looks.

:Seventh Sage:

I'm tired too. In 30 minutes I'm going to have to get ready to leave for the beach. And I didn't get any sleep!

Roy: NAP!

Okay. Zzzz……

Roy: NO NAP!

Meanie. Anyways, munchkins are cool. Sorry, I'm at the point where I'm so tired I don't have any idea what I'm typing. I love Bartre. Ooops, did I just say that? Well, anyway, believe me, I will find a way to have the moms suffer too. Somehow. Thanks for the review!

:Shinobi Demoness:

No, Matthew, you won't have to shop. You get to take care of a kid instead!

Matthew: For some reason that sounds far worse….

Maybe Raven didn't find out because he was too busy being tormented by his son. Or maybe he was just so worn down and broken by the time he found out that he just didn't care. I do like the idea of the sibling fic, and I'm glad other people do too. Thanks for the review!

:Inferno-Hero:

Hmm….if you like that food, maybe you'll like what's coming next chapter. But I can't say any more right now. A thousand reviews, I can't even imagine! I'm just going to do one pairing per dad, though. I'll still have a lot of chapters. And then the mom one will follow. Thanks for the review!

:…Edge:

In MINE Nino married Jaffar and THEY had twins. I get off switching everything because it's my story and that's the pairing I like for Nino. As most Fire Emblem players know the endings can be different depending on who gets and A support with whom.

:Kuroi Riku Tenshi:

They'll come in at some point.

Canas: LET ME IN!

Hugh: Waaa! Translation: Me too!

I'm glad you still read it even though you don't like the pairings. Thanks for the review!

:TM fanz:

Plan? =blink blink= I had it planned out?

Erk: You did, didn't you?

Nope.

Erk: =thwacks head=

Thanks for the compliments and thanks for the review!

:potter29vo:

Yes, Lilina is going to be sweet by she's still going to give Hector a hard time. He probably will make her cry at some point. I'm glad you updated your story 'Nino's Life'! Thanks for the review!

:Illusi0n:

Hehehe…maybe Lowen's kid will want to play Barber Shop! Eeep, you murdered Roy? Well, at least I won't have to take a nap now. Hehe. Thanks for the review!

:Wyvern girl:

I'm actually most glad when people don't like the pairings and still read it. But I try to make it not about the pairings as much as I can. Yeah, I found out about the tree thing, but I thought Fir like Fur sounded funnier. Thanks for the review!

:R Amythest:

Did you like Lucius' appearance? He got to be such a trouble maker. His chapter is after the next one. Children can be helpless and still be weird. Take me for example. Thanks for the review! And I'm glad that music file got through!

:xZero84x:

Poor Roy, so many people trying to kill him. I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I better hurry. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!

:chel bel:

For some reason little kids do like to climb a lot. I guess it makes them feel tall. I'm glad you liked that chapter. Thanks for the review!

:Namura:

Actually, no, I haven't. I also have never found any Vaida, Wallace, or Dorcas fans. Thanks for the review!

:Emerald-Latias:

Poor Raven now. Wolt acts so innocent, but he's so cruel. Thanks for the review!

:Spectral Flame:

I've always seen Bartre as the type of person to use a big word and then forget what it means a moment later even though he just used it in a sentence. So I gave him a few intelligent words and made him use them in stupid ways. Thanks for the review!

:avi17:

I love that idea! I shall definitely do a DartxFarina one! And I'm getting used to people complaining about pairings so it doesn't matter. Really, it didn't bother me at all. Thank you so much for the idea! I'll make sure to give you credit when I use it. Thanks for the review!

:Alice Kaiba:

Yes, I will be doing a Hector and Lilina one next. I have lots of ideas forit, so I hope it turns out good. Thanks for the review!

:Mallow-chan:

Eliwood! Go get Marth cookies and cake!

Eliwood: What!? Don't I do enough for my son? Why should I take care of that kid?

Grrrr…

Eliwood: Oh, alright… =goes to store=

Bad things come to those that are good. All the good people get the bad children. Thanks for the review!

:The-Lady-of-Lucius:

HAHAHAHA! I love loopholes. Fun, fun. Maybe the hobo was watching his orphanage again. I hope you liked Lucy's appearance. Thanks for the review!

* * *

**END**

* * *

Arianna: I'll edit this chapter when I get back from the beach. I…must…sleep…

* * *

**Wolt:** Review or you don't get one of my books! And then I'll make a book about you. Heh heh….

* * *

**EDIT:** Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I didn't get blown away by the hurricane. I'm back in business, but a little busy since school is starting soon. I'm horribly, terribly sorry about all the mistakes. I've tried to edit most of them, but if anyone spots anymore please let me know. I still can't figure out the indention thing. And sorry it was so short. The next chapter will be long to make up for it! 


	6. Lord's Little Lady

* * *

Arianna: Bonjour! 

Erk: She's had seven French classes and she already thinks she's an expert.

Arianna: Hmmm…..nothing too interesting to comment on this time. New page breaks. I have an Open Diary now, the link is in my profile. I'll update it about every week and I'll always mention in the entries what fanfic I'm working on incase anyone is wondering. And I have my first 'Golden Sun' fic up. I think that's all. Sorry about the poor quality of the last chapter. I will try to have this one make up for it!

Eliwood: Perhaps I should go warn Hector.

Erk: Hey, if we had to suffer, he has to, too!

Arianna: Well, let it begin!

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** 'Tis not mine.

* * *

Hector was in a good mood. Florina had gone to visit her sister Fiora and left him in charge of Lilina for the day. Now he would finally have the chance to teach Lilina some things she should know! Lilina was seven years old, but it's good to learn things early on, right? He walked through the halls of Ostia Castle to his daughter's room. He opened it to find Lilina lying on her bed reading a book. 

"Lilina!" he said to get her attention. The sudden loud noise made her jump and she fell off her bed. Her book tumbled down after her. She picked it up and flipped through it. She had lost her place! Her eyes began to tear. "Oh, come now, none of that!" Hector yelled. Then he grabbed the book from her and set it on a dresser. Lilina stared up at her father with big eyes. "Today, I'm gonna teach you how to fight!" Hector told her excitedly. Lilina's eyes grew even wider and she started hoping Mommy would come home soon.

"B-but Daddy! I don't wanna fight!" she whined. Hector gave her a confused look.

"What are you talking about!? No child of mine can not be able to fight! Come, Lilina! Let's go to the courtyard!" he boomed and strode out the door with a sniffling Lilina trailing behind him. Hector led her to the barracks and into the weapons room. "Which weapon do you want to try first?" Hector asked the frightened girl.

"None of them, Daddy!" she replied. Hector pretended to not have heard her.

"How about an axe?" he said grabbing one off the wall. He handed it to Lilina. As soon as he let go of the axe it dropped to the ground dragging Lilina down with it. She struggled to pick it up but it was too heavy for such a small girl. "Maybe you should try something else." Hector suggested seeing that there was no way Lilina could pick up the large axe, let alone fight with it. But Lilina was not one to give up on something. She continued to pull at the axe with all her strength until finally it gave and moved a little to the side.

"Look, Daddy! I moved it!" she exclaimed and grinned happily, proud of her accomplishment. Hector sweat dropped.

"Errr…that's great! But why don't we try something else?" he said. He spotted a slim lance hanging on the wall that looked light enough for Lilina to hold. "I have an idea! Why don't you try being a pegasus knight like your mother?" Lilina's frightened look returned to her face.

"But Daddy! I'm afraid of flying!" she whimpered. She had bad memories of riding with her mother and almost hitting a tree.

"Oh, you'll be fine once you get the hang of it!" Hector said and led Lilina to the stables where Huey was napping in his stall. "Wake up, bird brain!" Hector yelled and banged on the door to the stall. Huey snapped awake with a disgruntled snort and glared at Hector. "Hey, feathered idiot, you're going to let Lilina ride you so she can learn to be a pegasus knight!" Hector told the winged horse. Huey looked at the small girl curiously and she looked back at him with a terrified expression. Huey gave an amused neigh and realized that this would be quite fun for him.

"Daddy…I don't think it likes me…" Lilina said, noticing the mean look the flying horse was giving her.

"Nonsense! Horses aren't smart enough to have likes and dislikes!" the blue-haired lord said. Huey snorted angrily at the insult. Lilina clutched the slim lance tightly in fear. Then she shrieked when Hector suddenly lifted her up and put her on top the tall steed. Huey gave a horse chuckle and took off. Lilina hung on screaming at the top of her lungs as Huey launched into the air and soared out the stable door and around in circles. "That's the way!" Hector yelled proudly. Apparently he didn't realize that Lilina was screaming in fear, not joy. Huey suddenly dove and then jerked back up making Lilina lose her grip and go flying.

"_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" she screamed so loudly that clear in Etruria Erk heard it and ran to find his family because he thought it was Serra or Amy. Back in Ostia, Hector was frantically running to catch his daughter.

"DON'T WORRY, I'LL CATCH YOU!!!" he shouted to her but he was having doubts. His doubts became a reality when he suddenly tripped and was sent sprawling into the dirt. A feeling of utter terror and despair overtook him as he slowly looked up, afraid of what he would see.

"Really, young master, you should know better than to let such a young lady ride a pegasus!" a certain blonde thief told Hector. He was holding a very pale Lilina who was holding onto him so tightly he would probably have the fingernail marks on him for weeks.

"M-Matthew!!!" Hector said and sighed with relief. He would have wept with joy if he was that kind of man. But he wasn't. Nope, he would never cry over something like that. The water in his eyes was just because of the dirt that had got in them. He stood up and somehow managed to pry the traumatized Lilina off of Matthew. "Matthew, can you do me a favor?" he asked. Matthew bowed grandly.

"Of course, young master. What is it?" he said and stood back up straight to look up at the tall lord.

"I need you to catch a certain feathered horse and teach it a lesson." he requested. Matthew nodded and gave a small grin. "Oh, and if I'm not to teach Lilina to fight, what _can_ I do with her?" Hector questioned. Matthew thought for a moment.

"Well, I do know of something most little girls like to do." he said slowly.

**o0o0o0o0o0o**

"More tea, Miss Snuggly?" Lilina asked a purple teddy bear with a straw hat on. She was holding a tea pot with pink flowers on the side and was sitting at a table with a very frilly tablecloth. Also at the table with her were Miss Fuzz, Miss Bubble, Miss Kitty, Miss Cuddle, and the marquess of Ostia himself. Hector was wearing a hat with fake flowers and holding a cup of tea. His red face matched his red apron that Lilina suggested he should wear to make his armor look prettier for the tea party. "How about you, Daddy?" she asked him and held up the tea pot.

"Errr….sure." he mumbled. Then he glared at the door to the room as a few servants walked by it sniggering. Lilina didn't notice the laughter or the glare and poured her father some tea that looked a strange orangish color. Hector stared at it and grimaced. A conflict began in his mind. He didn't want to upset his daughter by not drinking the tea she made, but he also didn't want to be up the rest of the night bent over the side of a toilet. But Lilina was looking at him expectantly and he couldn't hurt her feelings after almost getting her killed, so he readied himself and threw all the drink into his mouth. He paused for a moment and then spit it all back into the cup, gagging. He looked up to see Lilina looking at him with watery eyes.

"Y-you don't l-like it?" she sniffled and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Er, no! I love it! In fact, it's so good I wanted to drink it a second time!" he said and swallowed it all in one gulp, holding his nose to numb some of the horrible taste. Lilina beamed and smiled at her daddy who seemed to be trying very hard not to pass out.

"Why did you hold your nose, Daddy?" she asked him as his face began to turn a greenish color.

"Uhhh….it's how the Sacaens drink tea, dear." he lied. "Um, I have to go to the boy's room. Go ahead and continue the party without me, okay?" he said quickly and then made a mad dash for the bathroom. Servants in the hallway chuckled at their lord as his flower hat went flying off. Back in the tearoom, Lilina was continuing on happily.

"More tea, Miss Bubble?"

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Matthew, I need a new idea!" Hector bellowed at the thief. Matthew was tending to some scratches and other injuries on his arms as the blue-haired lord glowered down at him. "That last one almost _killed _me!" Hector continued.

"How about you play a sport with her?" Matthew suggested as he bandaged a particularly ugly looking wound on his right forearm that was shaped strangely like a horse's hoof.

"What kind of sport?" Hector asked. "Like football or golf?" he said hopefully.

"Ask her what kind of sport she'd like to do." Matthew said and picked a feather off himself that had somehow gotten on his cloak. Hector thanked Matthew and then headed to Lilina's playroom. He opened the door and found his daughter playing with some dolls.

"Hi, Daddy! I was just about to dress up my Bernbie doll! Wanna help?" she chirped cheerfully. Hector looked at the doll that looked oddly like the dolls we know of as 'Barbies' with disgust.

"No, not today." He replied. '_Not ever._' he thought to himself. "Actually, I wanted to know if there was a sport you would like to play." Lilina dropped her dolls and climbed to her feet.

"Ooooo….I know of just the one!" Lilina exclaimed and clapped her hands girlishly.

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"No, you've got to swing your hips more, Daddy! Like this!" Lilina said and demonstrated perfectly how to hula hoop. Hector, however, was having some troubles. The hoop just didn't seem to want to cooperate with his sides and just kept falling down onto the ground.

"**DAMN IT ALL!!!**" Hector growled as the hula hoop clattered to the ground once more. Lilina's mouth formed a perfect 'O' and her eyes grew wide. "You didn't hear anything." he told his innocent daughter.

"Maybe we should do something else….." Lilina suggested as she could see her father was becoming more and more frustrated every minute.

"Yes, ANTHING else!" he said and threw the hula hoop as far as he could.

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"My name is Lilina, it is not Tina…" Lilina sang as she jumped over a rope. Holding one end was a very bored lord and holding the other end was Matthew.

"I can't believe we're degrading ourselves like this…" Hector grumbled to Matthew.

"My turn!" Matthew said excitedly as Lilina finished her rhyme.

"You can't be serious." Hector said as Matthew stood beside the rope and prepared to jump. Lilina picked up the other end of the jump rope and Hector sighed as they began to twirl it.

"My name is Matt, I have a hat, pigs are fat…." Matthew rhymed in a sing-song voice and Hector wondered how his life had come to this. He came back to reality when Matthew suddenly became tangled in the rope and fell down. "Whoops…" Matthew said and began freeing himself from the rope.

"Well, what do you want to do now, Lilina?" Hector asked wearily.

"Hmmm……" she said in deep thought.

"I have an idea!" Matthew shouted as he succeeded in untangling himself and got to his feet.

"I don't want to hear anymore of your ideas!" Hector yelled at the Ostian spy.

"Do you want to play with my Bernbie dolls?" Lilina asked. A look of horror crossed Hector's face.

"I don't think we should play with those today." Hector said quickly.

"Bernbie dolls?" Matthew said with interest. "That sounds fun! Why don't you and your dad play with those while I go do spy stuff?" Hector thwacked him over the head with the handle of the jump rope but it was too late.

"Okay, let's go, Daddy!" Lilina said and started tugging on his hand. As Hector walked he looked back over his shoulder at Matthew with a vicious glare.

"Somehow, someday, I _will _get you back." Hector warned the smug thief. Matthew gave a small wave and began walking off in the opposite direction.

"I'll be waiting." he called over his shoulder and then laughed raucously. Hector gritted his teeth in anger as he was pulled back into the castle.

**o0o0o00o0o0o**

"Which shoes would look better, the blue or the pink?" Lilina asked her father as she held up two pairs of little doll shoes.

"Whatever you like, sweetheart." Hector said for what had to be the hundredth time since she had started dressing up the dolls. It reminded him of the time he went clothes shopping with Florina, but he doubted this would end with Lilina slapping him.

"Bernbie will wear the pink shoes, and her boyfriend Kenny can wear the blue ones." Lilina commented as she shoved the toy shoes onto the doll's feet. Hector wondered if he could figure out how to sleep with his eyes open. He was about to try it when a bell rang.

"Lunch time!" Lilina said and she set her dolls on the floor. Hector looked at the clock. How could it only be noon? He felt like it had been weeks! He trudged after Lilina through the halls into the dining room and sat down at the head of the table. Well, more like he flopped down. "DADDY, NO!" Lilina suddenly screamed causing him to jump out of his seat and go tumbling to the floor.

"What is it!?" he asked worriedly as he pushed himself back onto his feet and looked around.

"You sat on Carol!" Lilina cried. Hector stared at his chair in confusion.

"Carol?" he repeated slowly. Lilina nodded vigorously. "But this is _my_ seat…." he said, still confused.

"But Carol LOVES that seat!" Lilina whined. Hector didn't see how it was possible for an imaginary friend to 'LOVE' anything but he moved to another chair anyways. As the servants began serving lunch they glanced in curiosity at the empty chair that Lord Hector usually occupied. "Don't forget to give Carol some food!" Lilina reminded the servants. They looked at each other in bewilderment.

"Are we expecting another guest, mi'lord?" the head servant asked Hector who had his face buried in his hands. "A Lady Carol?" the servant persisted.

"She's already here! She's sitting right there!" Lilina said and pointed to Hector's seemingly empty chair. The servant looked from the chair to the young lady three or four times before finally staring at Hector with his eyes clearly expressing that he demanded an explanation.

"Carol is an imaginary friend of Lilina's." Hector explained with his face as red as the tomatoes that had been put in front of him. The servant nodded that he understood and headed back to the kitchens. Lilina stuck her bottom lip out and glared at her dad.

"Carol's not imaginary! SHE'S REAL! And it hurts her feelings when you call her a fake!" Lilina scolded her father. Hector just shook his head.

"What do you need imaginary friends for? It'd be better if you'd grow up and stop with all that nonsense!" Hector told the little girl. Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears.

"**I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! IF I GROW UP THEN I'LL HAVE TO GO AWAY WITH THAT _STUPID_ BOY NAMED ROY AND TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD AND SLEEP IN TENTS AND PUT UP WITH ALL SORTS OF FREAKS!!!**" Lilina screamed and then ran off to her room. Hector blinked and tried to process what she had said.

"Go off with…..Roy? What!? LILINA! HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO HANNAH AGAIN!? I told you!!! Everything she says is just _lies_!" he yelled after her but she ignored him. Hector stabbed angrily at his food and grumbled under his breath. "Imaginary friends…..traveling around the world with Eliwood's son….like those things could _ever_ be true….." he trailed off as the chair at the head of the table moved back on its own.

"Well, I think I'll be going now. Ta ta!" said a female voice from thin air. Hector turned as the sound of footsteps went from the chair to the door. The door opened and after the footsteps had walked out, closed. Hector stared at the door slack-jawed and wondered what just happened. Matthew walked into the dining room by way of the kitchens and stopped at the sight of his lord.

"Uh…young master? What are you looking at?" the thief asked as he waved his hand in front of Hector's face. The lord snapped back to reality and shook his head to clear whatever he thought had happened.

"Nothing, nothing…..just, wondering where Lilina stormed off to…." Hector lied as he repeated over and over in his mind '_It didn't happen. Imaginary friends aren't real. It didn't happen._' Matthew made a knowing sound.

"Ah, yes, I heard the young mistress slamming her bedroom door a few minutes ago. I'm assuming it had something to do with you? Why don't you go try to patch things up with her?" Matthew suggested. Hector got to his feet.

"Yes, that's just what I'll do. Good day, Matthew." Hector said and walked towards the door. Matthew turned and walked back through the kitchens but stopped when he heard his lord saying something softly. He listened closely and heard "Not real, not real, no Carol, not real…" Matthew shook his head sadly.

"Oh well." He said to himself as he walked back through the kitchens. "I knew he was going to finally snap someday."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hector stood before Lilina's door for a few moments before finally trying the door knob. Unfortunately, when he tried it wouldn't work. Lilina had done what most children do frequently when they don't want disturbed: locked the door. Hector banged on it angrily. "Lilina! Open this door!" he shouted. Lilina didn't answer and there was no sound of a door being unlocked. "LILINA!" he yelled louder and in a threatening tone. He finally heard the sound of Lilina getting off the bed, walking across the room, and opening the door. She opened it a crack and peeked at him with one eye red from crying.

"What do you want?" she sniffled at him. He sighed deeply.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry for yelling at you. You can stay young for as long as you like." he apologized. Lilina sniffed again and opened the door the rest of the way. Then she grinned widely.

"It's okay! Wanna play with Bernbie dolls now, Daddy?" she asked happily. Hector grimaced and backed away slowly.

"No, Daddy has some things to do right now. Why don't you see if Carol wants to play with them?" he said and then walked as fast as he could to his study. Lilina shrugged and closed the door. Then she turned to a girl about her age who was sitting on her bed.

"You know, I think that invisibility spell of yours earlier scared Daddy, Carol." Lilina remarked. Then the two girls giggled devilishly.

**o0o0o0o0o0o**

The sun was beginning to set as Florina made her way home. _'I wonder how Hector did with Lilina today._' she thought to herself as she walked through the gate and into the courtyard.

"_**NEEEEEIIIIIGGGHHH!!!**"_

Florina heard the desperate cry for help from a horse and began to frantically look around. Then she glanced upward.

"Huey, how did you get tied up in that tree!?"

* * *

Arianna: Wow, I stayed awake till the end of the chapter. =yawn= 

Eliwood: Uhh….Riri….

Arianna: =yawn= Hm?

Eliwood: =points at reviews=

Arianna: GAH! NOOOO! NOT TONIGHT!

Latisha: YES! Time to reply!

Arianna: =sigh= Alright, here it goes.

* * *

**REVIEW RESPONSES**

* * *

:TO EVERYONE: 

I thought I should say this since a lot of people mentioned it in their reviews. The way I wrote Wolt was so he acted stupid around his father to make his experiments easier to carry out but was actually a boy genius. That's why he could write so well at the end.

:avi17:

Yes, I really liked that idea! I think I'll do that chapter next because I think it will be a lot of fun to write. I will make sure to mention Farina because I like that couple and I think they deserve at least a little recognition. Besides, Farina is fun to write with her money obsession. :) Thanks for the review!

:RBMIfan:

Mmmmm…soup. I love soup but I'm too lazy to make it. I'm better now, thanks for caring! The song is sung by the Japanese voice actors of Kuwabara and Yukina from Yu Yu Hakusho. I like the music and Yukina's voice is pretty but Kuwabara should not sing. -.-; Thanks for the review!

:FireEdge:

Yes, Raven would probably be quite proud of his smart son if he wasn't too busy trying to kill him. I don't think Raven was being stupid so much as rash. He really needed to think it through a little more before he reacted. Thanks for the review!

:SweetMisery430:

Hehe, I think Sain will be the one with three kids. He can barely take care of himself so it should be interesting to see how he takes care of three children. Don't worry, Nino. I think Lugh's got over it.

Lugh: One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish! =whistles and skips around=

Rei: -.-; Must…find…_DARKNESS_…..

Yep, I think they're acting pretty normal for themselves. Thanks for the review!

:Miserikordi:

=blinkity blink= Referred? Really? By who or what? Sounds so strange to have one of my stories referred to someone. Clowns are quite scary. Especially the ones with the big red noses that honk when squeezed. =shudder=

Eliwood: Please do play horsie with Roy so I don't have to!

Thanks for the reviews! Have a reviews cookie. They're only about a week old. Or you can have one of my giant pixie stixs. They've been sitting in the corner of my room for awhile now. Thanks again!

:SainPriestessSorakh:

Ooo, four, you're good.

Sain: So cruel. Such very cruel maidens.

I'll go ahead and use those four since it will save me time having to think up four kids. Thanks for the ideas! I'll make sure to give you credit when I use them. Thanks for the review!

:Shattered-Emerald:

You almost gave me a heart attack with your name change! I thought I had been putting the wrong screen name in the responses all this time. I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree, I guess. Wow, I wanna learn how to breathe through my ears! It would really help when I'm playing my flute. Thanks for the review!

:xZero84x:

I'm going to put Sain with Fiora for this story since it's already been requested and Farina is with Dart already in my little head. RUN, ELIWOOD, RUN! Wait, what am I saying? If he dies, then I won't have one of my muses, and I won't have to write fics anymore! YAY!

Erk: Uhhh…you're forgetting about me.

Latisha: And me.

Ivan: And sadly, also me, now.

Darn. Ah, well, thanks for the review!

:LynxKent Fan:

I kinda figured that's what you meant. I get names mixed up alllll the time. Don't worry, Rath won't be in the one with Kent and his kid. Thanks for the review!

:Jeanie:

Since I hadn't thought of one for Geitz yet, sure, it can be GeitzxFiora. I took me a little more than a week because of school to get this chapter done. Thanks for the review!

:BlackEmerald:

The insanity will never end as long as I'm the authoress of this story because I thrive off of insanity. :D Thanks for the review!

:Umbrielle:

Erk: I think Hector tortured Lilina worse than she did him. I mean, what's worse, almost dying or having to play with a jump rope?

For me, they're both about equally horrible. Thanks for the review!

:Inferno-Hero:

=dies laughing at the mental image of Raven's father cowering away from Raven=

Raven's Dad: Well it wasn't too funny for _me_! That boy's exactly like his mother!

=revives= As hilarious as a HeathxVaida would probably be, I would probably throw up while writing it. Vaida is just so….so…._ugly_ to be with Heath. And she looks a lot older than him.

Hannah: =hugging Eliwood= Hey, what's wrong with an older woman liking a younger guy?

Eliwood: Help….me….

Thanks for the review! And the hilarious script the father's fathers.

:Mallow-chan:

Wolt must not have done very well with his book since in FE6 he was an archer. Or maybe he just made so much money from the book he retired early and archery is just a hobby. Thanks for the review!

:F00l3Al2:

Well, I managed it somehow. It was kinda different writing about a timid kid for once. Thanks for the review!

:Silver Shadow:

I'm actually not sure of where the song is from, I just know who sings it an such. I do know what you're talking about though because I saw a picture somewhere. Have a cookie, anyways. Cahoots? Fun word. Cahoots with the birds. Fun sentence. :D

Erk: Oh no….

CAHOOTS, CAHOOTS, CAHOOTS! Okay, I'm better now. Nerf. Nerf is a fun word too. NERF, NERF-

Latisha: =WHACK= How about we finish these responses, eh, muses? Thanks for the review!

Arianna: =KO'd=

:Kitty Merow:

Latisha: Actually, the song 'Mr.Mom' was the inspiration for this story. It does fit well, doesn't it?

Eliwood: What's wrong with my cake? It may not be pretty, but it's highly nutritious! And low fat, too!

Erk: And also highly poisonous.

=wakes up= Thanks for the review!

:potter29vo:

I picture Lucius as kinda being like Ayame from 'Fruits Basket'. Wolt could do so much with his life since he's so smart but yet he decides he wants to write a book on how to torment dads. Thanks for the review! Oh, and thank you sooooooo much for your comments on me and my stories in your profile! It really means a lot to me! I think I'm tearing up.

Erk: Sheesh, how typically _girly_ of you.

Eliwood: =sob= They were such nice things to say!

Erk: ….

And, as always, update 'Nino's Life' soon!

:Rednal29:

Erk: AHHHHHH! ANOTHER ARIANNA!

Muhahahaha! First: ! Next: THE WORLD! Uhh…Bartre's gonna have to be revived later on for one of my ideas but for right now he can take a little 'rest'. Thanks for the reviews! Have a reviews cookie!

:……?:

Yes, the responses do seem to get rather lengthy but I think that if people can take the time to review I should take the time to respond. Looking at everyone's fics that have been recently uploaded I don't think the indenting is working for anyone. Thanks for the review!

:Shinobi Demoness:

Matthew's actually probably going to have it rougher than Matthew since his kid will be inclined to steal things. Sorry Matty. But you got to have some fun in this chapter! Actually, I think there is such a thing as too many bookmarks. My favorites list is divided into 27 different folders because there got to be so many links. I love long reviews! Thanks for the review!

:Akbar:

Plot holes are probably the answer to everything that is unanswerable. :D Thanks for the review!

:NekoRaven:

'MERHERHER' does have a certain ring to it. I guess it just didn't sound threatening enough coming from a little boy. Thanks for the review!

:Seventh Sage:

Since I'm a big fan of RavenxRebecca I prefer to think that Wolt looks like Wil because of some bizarre cosmic energy from when Wil was Rebecca's friend when they were younger. Or maybe it's all in our minds that they look alike.

Eliwood: =holds up Wolt and Wil pictures= Nope…they look pretty similar.

Raven: Grrrr…..

Thanks for the review!

:enangl27:

Raven is easy to drive crazy because he's so short-tempered. :) Thanks for the review!

:Alice Kaiba:

It's cosmic energy I tell you! Nothing else!

Erk: Nobody's buying it, Ri.

=waves RavenxRebecca flag= But I must keep trying! Thanks for the review!

:R Amythest:

I like to make Lucius chatty because I just can't see him with the quiet crowd.

Rath: …..

Jaffar: …..

Kishuna: …..

Lucius: .....GAH! I can't take it anymore! Make some noise already! SHEESH!

See, it probably just wouldn't work. Although I do like his seriousness, too. A beta reader would probably be a good idea, but I don't know how well I'd be able to work with someone. I like to work on things by myself. Thanks for the review!

:Unkown-Character:

Genius is a foreign word to me.

Eliwood: How can it be when you used it earlier to describe Wolt?

……plot holes.

Erk: =sigh= Of course.

Thanks for the review!

:chel bel:

I like llamas. =huggles the llamas of doom=

Eliwood: O.o;

Erk: -.-;

The only thing I can find in my closet is clothes and the occasional gameboy game. Thanks for the review!

:gamepro1:

I prefer to think of it as training for the daddys-to-be.

Erk: It's torture and you know it.

Thanks for the review! :)

* * *

Arianna: YAY! COOKIE TIME! 

Latisha: If we didn't answer your review please do take it personally and email the authoress and long, ranting letter.

Arianna: Meep! I don't like angry emails! Please don't take it personally if I missed your review!

Erk: Can we go yet?

Arianna: Okay! See you people next chapter! Next chapter I will do DartxFarina's kid!

Dart: ARG!

Arianna: :D Bye!

* * *

Lilina: Um….please review or you'll have to play with Bernbie dolls!

* * *


	7. Dart's Dolls

-

-

-

Arianna: Where am I? Who am I? What am I doing?

Eliwood: Arianna…do you have…amnesia?

Arianna: What's amnesia? And who are you?

Eliwood: Poor, poor Riri has forgotten who she is!

Erk: She's faking it.

Ivan: …….I don't like you people. Can I go home yet?

Arianna: DARN! I have been found out! Alright, I'm back, people, so don't shoot!

Erk: Or stab, or hit, or kick, or throw….

Arianna: I've just had things to do lately. But here I am, there you are, so all's well, right?

Erk: Until you disappear for another four months or so after this chapter.

Arianna: …. ;

Latisha: I think you need to join 'Procrastinators Anonymous' because you take slacking off to a whole new level.

-

**DISCLAIMER**: No, I haven't spent these past months fighting for ownership of 'Fire Emblem'. It's still not mine. :(

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY FRIEND MILLY WHO RECENTLY HAD A BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MILLY!**

-

"DART, I'M LEAVING!" screamed Farina as she searched the house frantically for her purse.

"Where ya goin'?" Dart asked with alarm, following his wife around the room.

"There's a sale on blender lids (A/N: I know, no blenders then. I plead artistic license!) at the market!" Farina responded excitedly. Dart scratched his head in thought.

"Do we even have a blender?" he asked and Farina paused long enough to answer him.

"No, but it's a SALE!" Farina explained. She gave a loud, joyful cry as she finally found her purse. "Now, Dart, dear, I know you have to work today, but you'll have to watch the girls."

"What?" Dart exclaimed, "A pirate ship is no place for two girls!" he said, trying to reason with his sale-sniffing wife.

"Well, today it will have to be!" said Farina, only half paying attention to her husband. "Now, I have to get going. Kiss, kiss!" she said and hurried out the door. Dart gaped after her and pondered how this would affect his day. The results of that pondering made him want to cry-er, CURSE. He decided to seek out his youngest daughter and break the bad news to her first. He found her in a closet. A dark closet. A _DARK_ closet.

"Agatha, what are ya doin' in a closet?" asked Dart while he gazed down at his fourteen year old daughter. She had dyed black hair, a pale face, black lipstick, black eye shadow, and was wearing all black clothing. She was currently curled up in a DARK closet, writing poetry…...somehow.

"I told you, it's Angstasia, not Agatha!" she said in an impatient tone. She was annoyed at having her latest brooding interrupted.

"Aggie, there's been a change of plans today….." Dart began in a cautious voice. Agatha stopped and looked up, expecting the worst. And, oh, did it ever come.

_"You have to go to work with me today."_

"**XXXX** NO, DAD! I'm FOURTEEN! I can watch myself!" replied the suddenly distressed Angstasia. You would be distressed too if you suddenly found out instead of spending your day in a dark closet writing gory, depressing poetry you would have to spend it riding on a ship…..I think.

"Watch yer language, missy!" Dart scolded. Aggie just rolled her eyes and mumbled another curse under her breath. "Where did ya learn to talk like that?" Dart asked, shocked.

"You, Dad."

"I don't talk like that!"

"You do when you're mad."

Dart thought about it and decided this was not a battle worth fighting. "Ah, XXXX it. Get stuff to entertain yerself with while I go talk to yer sister." he said and slammed the closet door on the dark teen. Then he walked to his eldest daughter's room while thinking of things to bribe Agatha with so she wouldn't tell her mother about his cursing in front of one of the 'virgin-eared angels' as Farina called them. He came to a pink door and knocked on it.

"Like, come in!" called an annoyed voice from inside. Dart opened the door to see his sixteen year old daughter, Olivia, lying on her bed, reading a magazine. She hadbleached blonde hair, a rosy-hued face, pink lipstick, cyan eye shadow, and tight, pink clothing. "What do you, like, want, Daddy?" she asked, not taking her eyes off her magazine.

"Your mother had to go out today, so you 'n yer sister need to come to work with me today, get yer stuff ready." said Dart quickly and ran before she had time to process what he said. He was barely half-way down the hall when he heard a shrill, angry shriek. He sighed, hoping that the worst was over (it isn't). He waited by the door for his daughters to resign themselves to their fate. Agatha was the first to come to the front door. She was holding a bag (black, of course) and she had a _very_ ticked expression. She sighed long and loud, making sure her father knew she wasn't pleased, but other than that she was silent. Olivia, however, seemed to want to make her displeasure better known.

"**This is going to be the _worst_ day ever!**" she screeched as she came down the hall dragging a pink bag behind her. "We're gonna be, like, stuck on a ship? Like, all day? I'm gonna, like, fry up! My skin will be all red and, like, _ouchy_" She continued to complain loudly as Dart herded his two teens out the front door and towards the docks of Badon. As they approached the '_Davros'_ Dart could see his mates staring at his daughters with confusion.

"Dart, you scurvy cur, what's with the two girlies?" Captain Fargus demanded as the pirate led his children onto the ship. Agatha examined the ship's deck and Olivia gave flirty looks to some pirates while Dart pleaded with his captain.

"Farina had to go somewhere today 'n I couldn't just leave them home alone!" Dart explained. Fargus glanced again at the two girls and shrugged.

"Alright, they can come aboard for the day. But if they cause trouble they're walking the plank." he warned Dart and headed off, barking orders at shipmates to ready the ship for cast off.

"This ship is so, like, dirty! Do you guys ever, like, clean it?" Olivia complained, wrinkling her nose as a nearby pirate spit on the floor. Dart ignored her question.

"I gotta go do my job, so you two behave, okay?" he told his daughters and hurried off. Olivia huffed and tossed her long, bleached hair.

"I'm going, like, below deck." she told her sister and strutted off. Agatha sat down and began writing poetry.

-

"So, like, you come here often?" Olivia asked, batting her eyes at a handsome pirate who was peeling potatoes. She had been looking for a place to get food when she found the kitchen; and a cute guy.

"Well, duh! It's my _job_!" he answered. Olivia frowned slightly but then her smile returned as she tried again. She leaned forward so her face was right in front of his and he finally stopped peeling long enough to look at her.

"I'm new around here. I don't suppose you could….show me around?" she asked him in a husky voice, blinking her eyes a few times for good measure. He was just about to answer her when a yell interrupted the two.

"Greg, what the flying fish are you doin' with my daughter?" Dart yelled, dropping his armload of food supplies as he grabbed his daughter and yanked her _far_ away from the young man.

"Believe me, Dart, I wasn't doin' anything!" Greg exclaimed, but this only seemed to make Dart angrier.

"Oh, so now yer sayin' my daughter ain't good enough for ya, is that it?" he yelled, taking a threatening step towards Greg. Greg held his potato peeler up in defense, although a peeler wouldn't help him much against an angry father. Things were just about to get messy when a deckhand came shouting into the kitchen.

"Dart, you're needed on deck! You're other daughter has gone _MAD_!" the deckhand said frantically. Dart grabbed Olivia and dragged her back up on deck with him. They left Greg the potato peeling pirate to stare after them for a few moments before returning to his work.

-

_What happened on deck…….._

-

Agatha had been quietly writing poetry when a pirate came over to see what she was doing. "What's this?" he asked, looking over her shoulder. Agatha sighed inwardly and turned a dark, threatening eye on the pirate.

"A poem….." she said in a voice that plainly stated she didn't feel like talking to him.

"Oh, are ya one of them potent people?" the pirate said, either ignoring her hidden warning or being too stupid to realize it was there. Agatha arched a brow at him.

"….potent?" she asked, confused. He nodded his head.

"Yeah, one of them people that write poems and stuff all the time." he clarified. Agatha gave him an almost pitying look.

"You mean poet?" she said and the pirate turned a bit red.

"Yeah, whatever. Same thing." he grumbled. "Can I hear one of your poems?" the pirate suddenly asked. Agatha flipped her notebook to one of her more recent poems titled _'Death'_.

"_Death is a mystery, covered in gore, all the tales of salvation are nothing but lore. When death strikes swiftly it will slash and tear, it will leave behind a trail of despair."_ Agatha read solemnly and then looked up. The pirate just stared.

"Er…..do you have any poems that are a bit more….cheerful?" he asked.

"Cheerful is a false state of mind. Happiness is temporary illusion." she replied softly. The pirate backed away a bit, scared by the black-hearted girl. Another pirate ran up to the first pirate. He was carrying something.

"Vshtlk, look what I found!" the new pirate said and opened his hands to reveal a cute, pink-nosed, fluffy bunny. Agatha took one look at it and screamed.

"**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!** GET THAT HORRID CREATURE AWAY FROM ME!" she shrilled, pushing herself to her feet.

"It's just a little bunny rabbit…." the newcomer said, taken aback by the girl's reaction. He looked at Vshtlk for guidance. Vshtlk made the crazy motion and pointed at Agatha.

"**CUTENESS MUST _DIE!_**" the gothic girl suddenly screamed and she lunged for the poor rabbit. The pirate was startled and accidentally dropped it. The bunny immediately began hopping away as fast as its little bunny legs could carry it. Agatha followed close behind it, holding her notebook as a weapon. "**_DIE_ CUTENESS!**" she was screeching just as her father and sister appeared on deck.

"Agatha, what thegrumpy gullsare you doing?" Dart yelled as his daughter ran past him in pursuit of a small bunny.

"**IT'S _ANGSTASIA_!**" she screamed and kept to her chase.

"Somebody save my poor bunny!" the one pirate yelled and then he burst into tears. Vshtlk patted him awkwardly on the back.

"Agatha, leave the rabbit alone!" Dart shouted as he ran after his slightly (slightly?) psychotic daughter. The chase continued on for a good fifteen minutes until finally Captain Fargus decided to come see what was going on.

"What's all this ruckus?" he roared and everyone froze. Except for the rabbit. The rabbit jumped into a lifeboat, gnawed off the rope, and floated out to sea. Whether the rabbit ever made it to shore or not I do not know. I do know what happened to Dart's daughters, though.

"Do you remember what I told ya two when you first came on my ship?" Fargus shouted at Agatha and Olivia. "If you cause trouble, you walk the plank!"

"**YOU TWO MOONCALVES ARE WALKING THE PLANK!"**

-

_Minutes later……._

-

"This is, like, _so_ unfair." Olivia whined. She and her sister were standing on the plank with the ocean in front of them and Fargus' threatening ax behind them. "I am, like, _so_ telling Mom about this when she gets home, Daddy. And she will, like, _freak_ because the salt water will, like, _ruin _my expensive clothes!"

"Captain, can't ya just let'm go? They're just young girls!" Dart begged. He really didn't want to face Farina's wrath after he told her how their children drowned in the ocean….or, even worse, that their pricey clothing and accessories went with them!

"Rules are rules, Dart. Now, move it, girlies!" Fargus snapped and shook his ax. Agatha stepped to the edge of the board.

"Death by sea……where so many have died before me…" she said then she took a deep breath and jumped. She hit the water with a resounding splash. Olivia gulped in fear as she watched her sister be carried away by the waves.

"_**AGGIE!**_" a horrified Dart shouted, than fainted.

"Now you." Fargus said and pushed Olivia off the plank before she could protest.

"_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!**_" she screamed as she fell. "EEEEEE-gurgle gurgle….." she screamed as she hit the water. She was batted by a wave and thought all was lost when she hit the side of something hard. It was a small boat! She pulled herself into the boat, coughing and gasping, than looked at her rescuer.

"Grunt grunt grunt?" the bunny from earlier inquired, supposedly asking how Olivia was.

(A/N: ...What? Milly said bunnies grunt….)

"How do you think I am? I was pushed off a boat and now I'm stuck with a rabbit!" Olivia complained. The bunny twitched its nose at her.

"Grunt grunt sniff!" it said in a huffy tone, which I assume meant something about Olivia being ungrateful. The lifeboat eventually drifted over to the side of the '_Davros_' and the pirates lowered a rope.

"They actually, like, expect me to, like, go up that?" Olivia said and then grudgingly climbed it, abandoning the bunny.

"GRUNT GRUNT!" the bunny said as its boat floated away again, which I assume meant something like '_**HEY!**_' Once back on board Olivia glared at the pirates.

"**WAAAAAAAH!**" she suddenly screamed, bursting into tears. "That was _mean_! I'm gonna SUE!" and she continued to rant, throwing a full-blown tantrum. The Captain and some pirates wandered back to their work while others stayed to watch the girl's tantrum. Dart finally woke up and comforted his daughter. It didn't help. So he gave her money. She calmed down. Then all the idle pirates and Olivia got together and started singing 'We Are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'.

(A/N:

Erk: NO! No more Veggie tales songs!

Arianna: It's not _all _Veggie Tales, it's Relient K, too!)

The rest of the day passed uneventfully and soon Dart was walking home with his daughter in tow. "Now remember, ya don't mention any of what happened today to yer mother!" Dart was saying as they approached their front door.

"Yes, Daddy." Olivia answered as she counted her new hush-hush gold. They walked into their home and were quickly assaulted by a spastic Farina.

"Look at these!" she was saying, shoving an array of colored blender lids in front of Dart's face. "They were SIXTY PERCENT OFF!"

"Er…that's great, Hon…." Dart said. Olivia whisked right past her parents (still counting her money) and headed for her room. Farina calmed down and looked around Dart.

"Honey, where's Agatha?" she asked. Dart whacked his head.

"Dangit, I _thought_ I was forgetting something!" he said in a _far_ too calm voice.

-

_On some distant island….._

-

"Grunt grunt grunt?" said a whoooole lot of bunnies, examining the newcomer. Agatha was staring at them in horror. A lifeboat suddenly washed onshore and a familiar bunny hopped out.

"HONK!" it cried as it saw Agatha. Then it honked to its brethren and alllll the little bunnies began chasing after Agatha!

(A/N: Yes, honked. It's a happy bunny!

Erk: …..was that pun intended?)

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!** **NOOOO! CUTENESS!**"

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Latisha: I think someone needs to call the social services on those two.

Erk: I think someone needs to call the mental institute on Arianna. An island of bunnies?

Eliwood: Better than an island of ligers.

Erk: …..

Eliwood: You know...those tiger-lion things.

Ivan: I'm not even gonna ask….

Arianna: Review responses!

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**REVIEW RESPONSES**

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:**TO EVERYONE**: Thanksto all who caught my mistake.-.-; Stupid Riri needs to edit better. I fixed it so now no one will have to fear a DartxFiora chapter.

:FireEdge:

School is so evil that it's right up there with allergy shots and Nergal. Thanks for the review!

:Rednal:

What does the admin have against indents? Thanks for the review!

:avi17:

No! Don't die! There's already so much blood on my hands….stories….whatever…. Thanks for the review!

:lugiamania:

Manly pride…hehe. Funny term. Thanks for the review!

:Kitty Merow:

Thanks for the review!

:TFRiD Queen:

Huey will be fine….eventually. Hector might never recover from his loss of 'manly pride' as lugiamania put it.:D Thanks for the review!

:Inferno-Hero:

Nice ideas for if I decide to do that MaM fic. UBER! I like the word uber. I like the word spiffy better, though, because it has a spiff in it. Sorry there was no new glorious food in this chapter. Maybe there will be next time. Thanks for the review!

:Rose-Wisteria:

Oswin was probably out doing….something. I'm planning on doing the PentxLouise one chapter after next. Thanks for the review!

:enangl27:

Glad I made someone happy.:D Thanks for the review!

:Ryzuki:

-dodges swinging arms- Thanks for the review!

:Wildfire Dreams:

Dads: FEEL SORRY FOR _US_!

Darlings: Muhahahahaha!

Thanks for the review!

:TurtleGoddess:

A high Rei…..O.O Thanks for the review!

:NekoRaven:

I would never hire Matthew as a babysitter. He'd steal all my stuff! And maybe the kid! Wait, that wouldn't be so bad…Thanks for the review!

:Jeanie:

Fiora and Geitz don't have an ending? DARN! I've been trying to get their supports to see their ending since they seem the only plausible pairing with Geitz. All his supports with Isadora are just about a bird. Thanks for the review!

:Wandering Cat:

AHHHH! NOT THE DOOM! I think befall is a word. My spell check isn't underlining it. Nerf! NERF!

Eliwood: Ah! Not again!

Nerf, nerf ,nerf, thanks for review, NERF NERF!

:RBMIfan:

Lilina is some kind of magic user in FE6. I think she _is_ a mage. O.O Are you psycho, too?

Latisha: It's psychic, Ri, psychic.

Thanks for the review!

:Miserikordi:

Next chapter is gonna be MatthewxLeila's kid. Good idea! I should make the kid be all like 'Daddy, stealing is _wrong_!' . :) Thanks for the review!

:Shinobi Demoness:

Good for Huey! He got his revenge on Matthew!

Matthew: Why are you people suddenly so against me?

Thanks for the review!

:Seventh Sage:

Sounds like something I would do…only I would do it from laziness, not lack of ideas. Thanks for the review!

:sorakh:

Fear of rabbits….sounds like Thalie could be friends with Agatha. That is, if Agatha _had _any friends. Pyromaniac…..that reminds me of some song. Thanks for the review!

:Not telling:

I thought about it but I left one because if I put none people might think Jaffar killed himself. Plus, who knows? If Jaffar went all the way to the circus he might just go ahead and watch it! Threat? They're not threats! They're just slightly scary statements that make the reader feel compelled to review. Thanks for the review!

:Umbrielle:

Of course he had to have trouble! Where would this story be without the dads having trouble with their kids? . Thanks for the review!

:Scarabsi:

I don't think Sacaens _really_ hold their nose when drinking tea...Hector just didn't want Lilina to know he was holding his nose so he couldn't taste the tea she made as much. I don't think Matthew was that out of character. In the game he would try to cause Hector usually harmless trouble. Although I do think Matthew wouldn't be jump roping.:)Thanks for the review!

:flamefirefox:

REVIEWS COOKIE! dumps cookies on you

Ivan: What if they had an allergy to cookies, huh? They might die from you doing that and then you'd get sued and-

Erk: Why do you care? You don't like us anyway.

Ivan: Oh yeah….

Lucius was way out of character but I needed some comedy.-.-; Maybe he was just feeling giddy that day. Thanks for the review!

:Silvermyst:

Priceless; for everything else, there's Mastercard. I had to say it. Thanks for the review!

:TomDragonBlade:

I don't think so since Matthew was the one who tied Huey up in the tree. Maybe they did have some secret plot but Matthew turned on Huey. Thanks for the review!

:MissSefie:

YEAH! Fight the power, don't pay attention in class!

Erk: Now we know why you're so stupid.

Rath and Sain will get their chapters eventually. Thanks for the review!

:Lil' Rae:

READING COOKIE!

Ivan: STOP WITH THE COOKIES!

All-stare at Ivan in shock-

There will be twins again at some point. Thanks for the review!

:Crystal Royale:

Aw, you don't like Ayame? Don't worry, in Lucius' chapter he'll be more like himself. Thanks for the review!

:R Amythest:

Here, have a cookie!

Ivan: ….. -passes out from anger overload-

I don't know what Ivan has against cookies. I don't know…maybe if the beta reader was a friend so I wouldn't freak out at them. I'm a bit…'touchy' about my writing.

Erk: I think you mean another word that has a 'b' and an 'itchy'.

Thanks for the review!

:Heath's-No.1-Fan:

I'm continuing! DON'T HURT ME! hides

Ivan: Uhhh….thanks for the review and stuff…and those guys thank you for your sympathies.

:The-Maiden-of-Sir-Sain:

PUFFBALL-tackles Raven and wrestles him to save the puffball-

Eliwood: I wonder if she's on him just for the _puff ball's_ sake…

Erk: I think we better get a medic ready for Arianna. Tactician versus mercenary is a pretty easy call to make.

Ivan: Thanks for the review…..

:Draconian Assassin:

You really like that one best? That makes me feel a lot better because I always felt that I didn't do a very good job on that chapter. NYAH! Another cool word. NYAH NYAH! Thanks for the review!

:Dekra Dentao:

Wow, a lot of thinking.

Erk: As opposed to you, who never thinks.

Thanks for clearing that up for me! And thanks for the review!

:Emblembabe:

Or glad! HEY! An interjection starts the sentence right! Interjections show excitement and emotion!

Latisha: …..school house rock?

Thanks for the word!

:Nightmare:

Reviews cookies!

Ivan-bursts into tears- I GIVE UP!

Sain will get a chapter. It will be SainxFiora since Priscilla is already going to be with Guy and Heath. Thanks for the review!

:Ghost of Erk:

I'm sorry, I'm really slow! I just don't have as much time as I did over the summer. Thanks for the review!

:Jenny:

HAHAHAHAHA! You're kidding, right? There's TONS of Jaffar fan-girls! Me included! The game never says for sure how old he is but since Nino is fourteen I'm guessing Jaffar is around 20-25. Thanks for the review!

:Evergladelord:

Updated! Wasn't soon, but half a loaf better then none. Thanks for the review!

:Lack Thereof:

Yay for yay! Yay for yay for yay! Yay for-

Eliwood: You're making my head hurt…..

Thanks for the review! And thanks for mentioning my story in your profile!

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Arianna: It's done! HONK HONK HONK!

Agatha: AHHHHHHHH! KILL CUTENESS!

Erk: Don't worry, Aggie, that thing is definitely not cute.

Arianna: What?

Erk: I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Arianna: Grrrr……… -finds a baseball bat and chases Erk-

Latisha: Next time, Matthew and his daughter! And it's back to little kids for awhile. Bye for now!

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**Olivia**: Review or I'll, like, get all bummed out and, like, stuff.

**Agatha**: And we'll stick you on the Bunny Island with the evil cute bunnies….

**Olivia**: And Aggie, who you might, like, find worse than the bunnies.

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	8. Spy's Sprout

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

Erk: What are you doing back here so soon?

Arianna: I figure the faster I update, the less review responses I'll have to do, and the less people will complain about the long review responses.

Erk: So basically you're being non-lazy….so you can be lazier?

Arianna: Yup :)

Ivan: …..

Eliwood: I don't get it….

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

* * *

**DISCLAIMER**: All I own of Fire Emblem is a little cartridge thingy that I stick in this square thingy and then it makes these noises and I press buttons and then I go 'YAY! Fire Emblem!'

* * *

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

"Now remember, Daddy, don't touch ANYTHING!" seven year old Kelly said as she led her dad, Matthew, through the crowded supermarket. They were having trouble finding the things they needed because when the shopkeepers saw the notorious (at least with Ostian merchants) thief family coming they closed their shops and carts. Now poor Kelly had to search frantically for a place to buy the necessities while restraining her sticky-handed father from 'accidentally picking something up' from a random cart.

"WOOL! GET YOUR WOOL RIGHT HERE, FOLKS!" shouted a vendor. Kelly remembered that that was one of the things on the list and quickly rushed her dad to the cart before the man had time to close it on them. Apparently this man was new in town, though, because when the two approached he just smiled and greeted them.

"Hello there, sir!" he said to Matthew, than looked down at the girl holding the spy's hand, "And hello to you, little miss! What can I do for you today?" he asked, his eyes moving back up to Matthew. But Matthew was staring intensely at something on the cart…something that glinted in the afternoon sun. Something shiny and expensive looking. Kelly pinched her dad on the arm and he jumped.

"What? Huh?" he said, looking at his daughter and then the merchant with confusion. "Uhhh…..we need wool." Matthew finally stammered. The vendor's smile became a huge, cheesy grin.

"Ah, then you've come to just the place! This here is artificial genuine wool!" he said, using big words in an attempt to confuse the spacey father. Luckily, Kelly was giving the man her full attention.

"If it's artificial, how can it be genuine?" she asked innocently, suspicious. The man was taken aback.

"Well, Little Missy, this here wool is just as good as any normal wool, but it's cheaper because it's not _completely_ normal!"

"Then isn't it false advertisement to say it's genuine wool? Isn't that illegal? Shouldn't you clarify for your costumers that it's not real wool?"

"……."

As the salesman debated with the intelligent little lass, Matthew was focused once again on the shiny object. '_Shiiiiny__…._' he thought and crept up to it, glancing back to see that the vendor was still distracted. Then, he snatched it and shoved it in a hidden pocket with skills that had been honed by years of work as a thief. He indulged himself with a triumphant smile and then whirled around to find that Kelly was gone. Alarmed, he looked to the vendor who was counting gold. "Ummm…sir, do you know where my daughter went?"

"She paid me for some wool and then headed off into the crowd dragging some man behind her." the vendor answered absently, absorbed in the counting of his profit. Matthew examined the crowd with a frantic expression.

'_Oh no….._' he thought.

* * *

_**ooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

"C'mon, Daddy! Why are you pulling back so much?" Kelly demanded and looked behind her to see that the man she had been tugging along was not, in fact, her father.

"Kwr fi id nw! U;kk axe'n die rgw 'yrgieuruwa!" the man yelled at her in a language she did not recognize. She let go of him with an embarrassed smile.

(((A/N: Can you decode his language:) It's a pretty simple code.)))

"Sorry about that! I thought you were someone else!" she explained sheepishly as the foreign man glared at her and rubbed at his sore arm where she had been gripping him.

"Aryous ve'r!" he spat and then stalked off into the crowd. Kelly looked around.

"Where's Daddy?" she said aloud. Her bottom lip trembled when she didn't see him anywhere nearby. Tears stung at her eyes but she quickly wiped them away. Big girls didn't cry. She tried to remember what she had been taught in school about what to do when lost, but all she could remember of the lesson was that it definitely did _not_ mention anything about abducting random tourists and dragging them along with you. She finally decided to walk back the way she had come and hope she ran into him. As she was walking (she had abandoned the bag of wool) she thought about her life with her daddy. Daddy had to raise her all by his lonesome since Mommy had died only a few months after she was born. She remembered Lord Hector telling her the story about how her Daddy had fainted when he returned to Ostia after a long trip and found out that her Mommy, Leila, had had a baby before she died…..and it was his!

'_Congratulations……you are the proud owner of a new daughter!_' the temporary foster parent had said when she handed Kelly to her father for the first time. Matthew had just stared in shock at the baby for a moment. Then he fainted….still holding the baby.

'_And that's how you got that dent in your head!_' Lord Hector had told Kelly, apparently finding this to be a funny story. Kelly didn't find this too funny, though. The kids at school were always teasing her about that dent being the reason she was so much smarter than the other kids her age.Thankfully, though, her bright hair, that looked so much like her late mother's, coveredmost of the dent.She pulled herself out of her thoughts just in time to see her daddyrun by.

"DADDY!" she screamed and about twenty men turned around, but not Matthew. He hadn't heard her over the crowd. "Daddy!" she screamed again and quickly ran through the crowd, dodging legs as she went. Her luck finally ran out and she smacked right into someone's legs, knocking her on her behind. She looked up to see the foreign man from earlier and two policemen.

"R'g'r;a gwem idduxwea! Agw;a rgw ibw qgi 'aa'ykrws nw! "eear gwe!" the man snapped, pointing at the startled girl. The police officers looked at each other, shrugged, and scratched their heads.

"We told you, sir, we can't understand you." one of the officers said. This only seemed to make the foreigner angrier and he began gesturing at the girl violently and shouting.

"Sir, if you don't calm down and stop making threatening motions to that little girl, we'll have to detain you." the second officer said. The tourist stomped a foot and shouted some more. "Okay, man, you're going to have to come with me for a little while." the officer said and handcuffed the man. Then he dragged him, screaming and struggling, to the station.

"ARYOUS VE"R!" were the man's final shouts before he disappeared, with the officer, into the crowd. The remaining officer shook his head disdainfully.

"Crazy tourists…." he muttered. He looked down at the small girl who was still sitting on the ground. She looked up at him with bright eyes that resembled her father's with their innocent look that masked inner mischievousness.

"Mister, can you help me find my Daddy?" she asked sweetlyand he smiled at the girl's cuteness. He knelt down.

"Of course, sugar. Now, what's he look like?"

* * *

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

"KELLY! KELLLLLYYY!" Matthew was shouting as he ran around the market in a blind panic. He was knocking over people and carts, and, for once, he was completely oblivious to shiny objects.

"Daddy! Daddy!" he heard and spotted Kelly standing with a man. He ran towards them.

"GIVE MY DAUGHTER BACK!" he yelled and attacked the man. "I have a sword and I'm not afraid to use it!" he threatened. Kelly hugged her father.

"No, Daddy! This is a police officer! He helped me find you!" said the very relieved girl. Matthew gave a sheepish grin.

"Whoops…sorry…." he said weakly to the officer.

"No harm done. Good day." the policeman said and began walking away.

"Daddy, can we go home now?" Kelly asked, tugging at Matthew's clothes. When she pulled something fell out and clattered to the ground. Something shiny and expensive looking. Kelly picked it up with a horrified look.

"Daddy! You stole this from that wool selling man!" she exclaimed loudly. The officer turned around. Matthew broke out in a cold sweat.

"What are you talking about, sweetheart? I've had that a long time!" Matthew lied and gave a nervous laugh. The officer squinted his eyes at Matthew in suspicion.

"No you haven't! You stole this when I was talking to that vendor, didn't you, Daddy?" she accused him. The officer began walking quickly back towards them.

"Time to go!" Matthew said, picking up his daughter and running for it. The officer started running. A very long chase scene commenced. The blonde thief finally lost him by running through a back alley. He sat down his daughter and exhaled. "Lost him…." Matthew said, relieved. Kelly was observing her surroundings. Matthew, in his haste to escape the officer, had unfortunately taken his underaged daughter into a bad part of town.

"Daddy….what are they doing?" Kelly said and pointed at a very…ah, shall we say…_close_ couple nearby. Matthew's face paled.

"They're dancing." he lied quickly. "It's a new, popular dance."

"It looks like they're having fun!" Kelly said. "Can I learn that dance, Daddy?" she asked.

"Not until you're thirty!" Matthew snapped and quickly dragged his child away from the couple. They wandered around for a few minutes. Then a few more minutes. Then a few more, and finally Kelly decided to ask where they were going.

"Daddy, where are we going?" she asked apprehensively as they passed the same hobo for the sixteenth time. There was a moment of silence before Matthew answered.

"We're going home." he finally answered.

"Then why are we walking in circles?"

"We're not….I'm just temporarily a little directionally challenged."

"…..we're lost?"

Matthew slapped his forehead in frustration. Darn those vocabulary books he had bought her! "We're not lost! How could I, an Ostian spy, ever get lost?" Matthew demanded. Kelly gave a depressed sigh.

"Yep. We're lost…." she grumbled.

'We're NOT lost!" Matthew said, "We should arrive back in the market any min-" he suddenly cut off as they came to the market. "See?" he said smugly. "We made it back, just like I told you we would!"

"That's great and all, Daddy, but I'm hungry! Can we get something to eat?" she suddenly requested.

"Didn't I just feed you this morning?" he asked. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Daddy, but most parents feed their children more than once a day." she explained in a sarcastic voice. Matthew laughed and patted her on the head, which made her mad. She hated being treated like a small child! Even though she _was_ a small child….

"It was just a joke, honey." Matthew told her in a lightly condescending voice. Kelly glared up at him with a 'touch my head again and you _die_' look. "Why don't I go steal us some food?" Matthew suggested and Kelly was outraged.

"Daddy! Stealing is _WRONG_!" Kelly lectured with her hands on her hips. "You saw how much trouble it got us in earlier!" Matthew wondered for what wasn't the first time how this child could possibly be his and Leila's. She had completely different morals and was strongly against stealing. The little girl continued to stare down her father and he finally gave in.

"Alright, alright…." he sighed, "We'll go buy food." Matthew said the word 'buy' like it was some stupid, pointless thing.

"Let's eat out! We're already out, anyways!" pointed out Kelly. Matthew thought about it and agreed.

"Lead the way, mi'lady." he said and gave an exaggerated bow. Kelly dragged him to a nearby restaurant called 'The Evil Pickle'. Matthew raised a brow at the name but followed his daughter inside nonetheless. He was met with the strange sight of……a perfectly normal looking restaurant. He had been expecting something bizarre (like people in giant pickle suits) but everything looked ordinary. The two sat down at a table and soon a waiter approached.

"What can I get ya?" he asked. He looked like every other Ostian waiter, but he actually was-

**SUPERMYRMIDON!**

Not really, I was just seeing if I still had your attention. _Anyways_….

He looked like every other Ostian waiter, a bored teenager with a pimple problem. Matthew picked up the menu and found it to contain perfectly normal foods…..although he had some questions about the pickle, cheese, and kiwi salmon. The two ordered and once the waiter had walked off Matthew busied himself with stuffing all the sugar packets on the table into his pockets. Kelly watched him disapprovingly but technically it wasn't stealing since they were there for the customer's use. "So…" Matthew finally said once his pockets were bulging with sweetners. _'We won't have to buy sugar for a month!_' he thought happily. "Why is this place called 'The Evil Pickle'?" Kelly smiled devilishly.

"Because of the show." she said. Matthew froze. A packet of sweet & low hit the ground.

"Show?" Matthew repeated nervously. He had had a fear of shows ever since he had taken Kelly to that show in Pherae. It was a circus and was lots of fun until somebody's brats ruined it all by trying to be trapeze artists. Everyone had gone nuts when the two kids and their father (who looked strangely familiar to Matthew, but he just couldn't be sure from that distance) fell and hit the ground with a hard thump. Matthew had been trying to get closer to the fallen family to find out whom that man was that looked so familiar when some lady dropped a package of peanuts on his head and they got all over him. He was trying to brush them off when an elephant saw the peanuts and then Matthew had to spend the rest of his day running from a hungry elephant. Matthew shuddered at the memory. He snapped back to reality to hear a voice that he had heard not too long ago.

"Excuse me, have you seen a blonde man with a reddish cape?" the police officer from earlier was asking of the manager. Matthew picked up a menu to hide his face. He was planning a way to slip past the officer (with Kelly) and run for it when the lights dimmed. Two spotlights shone on a stage he had not noticed before. His fear of the officer was quickly traded for his fear of live shows.

"It's starting, Daddy!" Kelly said, a little too loudly in a restaurant that had recently gone quiet with the dimming of the lights. The policeman turned towards the sound of the voice and Matthew had to drag Kelly under the table to prevent them from being seen.

((((A/N: Today, Mr. Matthew will demonstrate how _not _to be seen.

Latisha: -smack- Stop it with the Monty Python!)))

"Daddy, what are you doing? We're gonna miss the show! And it's all dirty down here!" Kelly complained, picking a piece of old pickle off of her pants and making sure to stay away from a chewed piece of gum that was right above her head.

"Shhhhh! That police officer is out there!" he whispered frantically. And when she heard that she had to look, of course. She poked her head out and the first thing she saw was a pair of shoes.

"Uhhhh…..hey? I brought your food." said the confused waiter as he stared down at Kelly. The officer looked towards the voice and this time managed to spot Kelly. He began running towards them.

"Uh oh…." Kelly said and grabbed her dad by the arm. They took off running, flipping the table in the process. They ran _away_ from the officer….which just happened to be _towards_ the stage. On stage, a few people in pickle costumes were dancing to a song called 'Pick Yourself A Pickle' or something along those lines.

(((A/N: It's not a real song, just so you know.)))

"No!" Matthew shouted when he realized where they were going and he wouldn't run another step. But if Kelly can drag an ornery foreigner through a busy marketplace she can sure as heck drag her dad onto a stage. And she did just that with him screaming the whole way. The people in the restaurant watched as a little girl dragged a screaming man backstage with a police officer close behind them. Once backstage, Kelly pulled Matthew into a costuming room.

"Put this on!" she said shoving a pickle costume at him and grabbing a smaller one for herself.

"Who's the parent here?" Matthew demanded indignantly. "I'm not putting that stupid thing on!"

"PUT IT ON!" Kelly ordered and Matthew grudgingly obeyed. Once the two were fully costumed they headed back to the stage.

"Wait a second! We're not gonna actually dance with those idiots, are we?" asked Matthew in fear. Kelly nodded fervently.

"Yes! Then after the song is over and the lights dim again we can make a run for it!" explained the smart little girl.

"But we'll look like freaks!" Matthew complained.

"Well, you should have thought of that _before_ you stole that shiny thing!" Kelly snapped back hotly. Then she pushed him onto the stage. While they had been suiting up the music had changed to some song called 'Flying Purple Pickle Eater'. Matthew and Kelly tried to mimic the motions of the pickles beside them. Matthew thought he was the most humiliated he would ever be in his life. He was wrong, though, as you will find out later. The song finally dwindled to its last notes and the lights faded while the pickles changed positions. As soon as the lights were gone Matthew and Kelly ran like crazy for the door.

"I'm never going back there EVER again!" Matthew stated once the two were safely back out in the market.

"Too bad. That's where I want to go for my birthday." Kelly said sticking her tongue out at her father. "We better leave these things on until we get home."

"You mean I've gotta go through the market looking like a giant pickle?" said Matthew. The dynamic dad & daughter duo started on their way home, getting many looks from the people in the streets. Even in a big city like Ostia it wasn't normal to see people walking around in pickle costumes. Matthew prayed that they wouldn't see anyone they knew. Didn't happen.

"Lilina!" Kelly suddenly called out to a small, blue-haired girl that was walking with her father and mother. Lilina looked towards the sound of the voice but all she saw was a big pickle with an even _bigger_ pickle beside it. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she was seeing things properly and when the pickles were still there she pulled on her mother's sleeve.

"Mother, Father, there's two giant pickles over there and one of them just called my name!" Lilina said, frightened. Hector and Florina looked over to see what in Elibe she was talking about and saw two people in pickle costumes that looked strangely like Matthew and Kelly. Then they realized it _was_ Matthew and Kelly! The royal family started walking towards the spy family. Matthew made a grab for Kelly in hopes to run for it but he missed and Kelly ran up to Lilina.

"It's me, Kelly! Look what I got from that pickle restaurant!" Kelly said and twirled around to fully show off her picklefulness. Lilina giggled.

"How cute! I want one!" she exclaimed and looked at her mother with a 'hint hint' look. Hector started talking to Matthew to the thief's complete and utter horror.

"Is that you in there, Matthew?" Hector said with a wide grin. "Bernbie dolls are starting to look pretty good right about now, huh?" he said and laughed almost hysterically at the thief. Matthew's face turned bright red and if it had gotten any hotter he would have become a fried pickle.

"Time to go now, Kelly." the embarrassed blonde grumbled and finally managed to get a hold of his child.

"Bye!" Kelly said to Lilina as she was dragged off.

(((A/N- Erk: There's a lot of dragging in this chapter.

Me: ……shut up….)))

"It was nice to see you." Florina said politely in her soft voice, even though they saw Matthew almost everyday and Kelly about as often; and seeing giant pickles isn't really that nice an experience. Matthew walked quicker when he heard his young master's laugh echoing after him. The thief almost collapsed with relief when they made it to their humble home.

"I hope you learned your lesson." Kelly scoffed as she took of her costume and laid it on the living room table. Matthew was struggling to get his off.

"MMMMMMph perf!" he said from inside the costume.

"What?" Kelly asked as Matthew got the costume over his head and threw it on the floor.

"I said it's not like you've never stolen anything before!" Matthew repeated, rubbing at his mussed hair with his hands. Kelly looked at her father with confusion.

"What did _I _steal?" she demanded. Matthew motioned at the costumes. "Oh, those. The situation was desperate! And I'm going to return them tomorrow with a full apology." she informed him defensively.

"Well, there's something else you've stolen." the playful dad continued with a smile twitching his lips.

"And that would be?"

"You stole my heart the moment I held you for the first time." Matthew said, his smile turning into a complete grin. Kelly rolled her eyes at his corny joke.

"That's stupid, Daddy. And you're lying, anyways. Lord Hector told me all about how you fainted and dented my head." Kelly said as she headed for the stairs, eager to escape her foolish father. Matthew kept grinning.

"Well, if not that _exact _moment, then when you first said 'daddy'!"

"Enough, _Dad_." Kelly said, climbing the stairs.

"Or when you first cried for my help when you got stuck behind the fridge….." Matthew yelled up the stairs.

"Stop it! And that was you're fault, anyway! You told me to get my ball that had rolled behind it myself!" she retorted, breaking into a run for her room.

"Or when you first yelled for me because you needed me to wipe your-"

"ENOUGH!" she screamed, slamming the door to her room and locking him out.

"-nose. What did she think I was going to say?" Matthew said to himself and chuckled.

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

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Arianna: Wheee! I don't know why, but this chapter was lots of fun to write! 

Latisha: 3,634 words.

Matthew: You had fun tormenting me?

Eliwood: She wasn't laughing _at_ you she was laughing _with_ you…..

Matthew: I'm _sure_.

Hector: HAHAHAHA! SERVES YOU RIGHT! HAHAHAHA! PICKLE COSTUME!

Matthew: ……

Arianna: Review responses!

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**REVIEW RESPONSES**

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Arianna: These are going to be done a bit differently from now on. Instead of answering every single review I'm just gonna answer questions or make a comment if I really need to make it. 

**BIG **Thanks To: Lack Thereof, Rose-Wisteria, Miserikordi, Wildfire Dreams, Rednal, ShadowAngelUmbreon, SweetMisery430, RBMIfan, Aeros Fujita, K-Gforever, FireEdge, Inferno-Hero, timmycheese, Nightmare, Heath's-No.1-Fan, Wandering Cat, chel bel, Seventh Sage, Ghost of Erk, and Evergladelord!

To Everyone: I do better with characters I know well. I barely use Dart and Farina. That should explain why I went so original with the last chapter.

Lack Thereof: Matthew doesn't really have a daughter; I made her up for the story's sake.

The One Who Until Recently Was Potter29vo: Pretty new sn. Of course I remember you! Oh, and incase you didn't notice, you _DID_ say something about it.

Rednal: A lot of reviews.

ShadowAngelUmbreon&Nightmare: Thanks for the idea! I hadn't thought about a Karel chapter because he has no pairings but now that you mention it I _have_ to do one because it would be so much fun to write.

timmycheese: In band camp we had this section teacher who we called Bubbles. When she was in a bad mood, though, we called her Agatha.

Seventh Sage: The joke of Vshtlk is that it has no vowels so it's pretty much impossible to pronounce. If you wanna try, though, you could say something like 'vish-t-kilk' and make the 'kilk' part sound really throaty. I don't think Thany is Farina's daughter because in Farina's endings it doesn't mention a kid like it does for the others who have kids in FE6.

Arianna: THERE! Look how much shorter that was than last chapter! MARVEL AT ITS BEAUTY!

Erk: Okay, enough. You're making it longer by rambling on.

Arianna: Next chapter I'm not sure who to do….either PentxLouise or Lucius'. Next story I'll be updating will be 'Fire Emblem Idol' so be looking for that on my site around next weekend! It's the grand finale. There's something weird with the link in my profile so you have to copy and paste it in the address bar instead of just clicking on it. Well, I'm off!

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Kelly: Review and you get to wear a pickle costume!

Matthew: I think you'd do better if you say 'review and you DON'T have to wear a pickle costume'…..

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**Note:** Thanks to Rose-Wisteria for telling me about the spacing problem! Hopefully that will be fixed now.

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	9. Magical Miniatures

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Arianna: After a long time of research I have returned!

Erk: Oh, come off it. That is not where you were this whole time.

Arianna: True, but I did find out some stuff about Clarine and Klein. :) They're like the Raven and Priscilla of FE6. Clarine loooooves her brother. Only I don't think she love, loooves him.

Erk: And that took you over four months to figure out?

Arianna: Big exam coming up….I was studying…

Latisha: No you weren't.

Arianna: I was doing all my loads of homework.

Ivan: You're not even back in school yet!

Arianna: Uhhh….family crisis?

Eliwood: Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Arianna: I give up! Oh, by the way, does anyone besides me think Louise had _really_ crappy timing with telling Pent she was pregnant?

-: Scenario Re-enactment :-

Louise: LOOK! It's a dragon! I'm PREGNANT!

Pent: ……….what?

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**DISCLAIMER:** Just look at the last eight disclaimers. And if you still don't get the message, go look at the disclaimers on all my other stories as well. And while you're there, read the stories.

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"NOOOOO! Please! Don't gooooo!" Pent was begging and gripping tightly to the back of his wife's shirt. It had all started a few weeks ago when Erk had won four tickets to a concert. The problem was there were seven people living in the household of Reglay castle. So Pent, Louise, Erk, Serra, Clarine, Klein, and Amethyst all drew papers from a hat to see who got to go. The result: Erk, Serra, Amy, and Louise were going. Pent was not. Neither were his two children. This presented the dreadful task of BABYSITTING.

"Oh, alright, dear." Louise gave in but Serra quickly stepped up and pulled Louise out of the claws of her desperate husband.

"We all had a fair chance, Lord Pent!" Serra said as she dragged the too-sympathetic-for-her-own-good woman towards the door. Erk opened it and ushered the two ladies and his daughter out the door. Pent stood dejectedly.

"You're leaving me with THEM?" he complained to his student and pointed at his children like they were abominations of death, although at the moment they looked nothing of the sort. Klein was lying on the floor reading a book and Clarine was playing with a doll.

"Goodbyyyyye Lord Pent." Erk called as he closed the door. Pent raced to the window and watched sadly as they got into their carriage and rode off. When they were finally out of sight he slowly turned back around to face his children…..who were still reading a book and playing with a doll.

"Well?" he asked in a voice full of dread.

"Well what?" Klein answered, not even looking up as he turned a page.

"When are you two going to start your rampage of mass destruction?"

"We're not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"…..really?"

"YES."

"…………really, really?"

"Father, would you be quiet? I'm making a very hard decision here about whether my Bernbie doll should wear the pink skirt with the beige shoes or the black dress with the sandals!" Clarine interjected into what would have been a never ending argument. Pent examined his offspring warily.

"Alright then…..I'll be in my study if you need me." Pent walked down the hall. "_Hmmm….maybe they're not such bad kids, after all. Of course they're not! They're my kids! I've raised them properly! I'm a terrific parent! HAHAHAHA!" _Pent thought to himself as he dragged some tomes off the shelves in his office.

* * *

Meanwhile……

* * *

"Is he gone?" Klein asked, finally glancing up from his novel.

"Yup." Clarine answered, throwing her Bernbie doll and all its accessories against the wall. Klein shut his book with a loud thump.

"Okay, then. Here's the plan."

* * *

Back in Pentland…..

* * *

"Go me! I'm a good parent! Go me!" Pent was saying and dancing a victory dance around his study. He spotted the portrait of his father glaring disapprovingly at him from up on the wall. "HA!" he announced, pointing an accusing finger at it. "You said my kids would be just like me! But you were _wrong_, for they are…."- Pent drum rolled on his desk - "NON-SPASTIC! Yes, that's right, Father, two children of mine and they're both perfectly calm and well behaved! So there!" he finished and smiled triumphantly. Then he stopped and frowned as he felt like an idiot for talking to a painting. Then he prayed to Elimine that no one would ever write about this and post it for the public to see. He sat back down and began reading his tome again….until someone knocked on his door. He got up and opened it to find an alarmed Klein.

"Father! Clarine is gone!" the distressed young boy said urgently.

"What? What do you mean _gone_?" Pent exclaimed.

"I was reading my book and when I looked up she was just _gone_! And when I yelled for her she didn't answer! And I found this note on the ground near her doll!" Klein explained and showed the paper to his father. It was on Bernbie Doll stationary and was written in purple crayon. It read:

"_If u ever want to sea you're dawder again leave two hundred gold and a bag of cookies bye the big oak tree outside you're house!"_

"No!" Pent yelled, grabbing at his hair. "Getting one of my kids kidnapped by a person who doesn't know what homonyms are will _defiantly_ be a strike against me getting the award for 'Best Father Ever'!"

"What's a homonym?" Klein asked innocently. Pent froze and looked slowly from the paper to his son.

"Klein….did you….write this?" Pent asked, alarmed.

"Nooo…" he answered, drawing out the word slightly. Pent glared.

"Don't lie to me, boy!" he reprimanded angrily.

"I'm not lying! I _didn't_ write it! Clarine did!" the little boy protested, then clamped a hand over his mouth in horror.

"AHA!" Pent exclaimed. Klein snapped his fingers.

"DARN! We've been found out!" Klein yelled. Clarine crawled out from under Pent's desk.

"Awww…you said a dirty wordy durdy! I'm gonna tell Mommy!" Clarine said.

"We have bigger problems!" Klein snapped. "He's onto us! Father is smarter than we thought!"

"Excuse me?" Pent said indignantly. "And how did you get under my desk?" he added to his daughter.

"It means nothing, Daddy!" Clarine said sweetly and smiled an angel grin. "We were just playing a game! We'll leave you alone now!" and with that she grabbed her brother by the arm, dragging him out of the room. Pent scratched his head, shrugged, and sat back down. A few minutes later the door to his study opened once more. He turned around.

'"What do you-" was all he got out and then everything went black. When he came to, he was sitting in a chair with his arms mysteriously stuck to the back. His children were sitting in plain sight eating a bag of (DUN DUN _DAAA!_) cookies! "HEY! What do you two think you're doing?"

"Look! Daddy is awake!" Clarine cried happily, momentarily pausing in her munching and chewing of the completely un-nutritious and horribly fattening snack foods. Not to mention all the sugar in those things! Little kids don't need that sugar. I do. So give all your cookies to me. Continuing….

"See! I told you he wasn't dead!" Klein said, smugly. Pent tried to wiggle his arms but the tight rope that was holding his arms was, well, tight! He couldn't budge them an inch.

"No, but _you're_ going to be dead when I get out of this chair!" Pent warned and began stomping his feet angrily. Then he stopped as he realized something. "Hey! I can move my feet!" he exclaimed and stood up. This put him in an awkward stance. He was hunched over with the chair being held to his back at an odd angle.

"Look! Daddy is a mutated snail!" Klein remarked, and both kids pointed and giggled. Pent frowned.

"Untie me right now, demons of my flesh!" Pent demanded, bobbing up and down so that the chair was waving menacingly. Sadly, the kids were watching their dad and not the chair so all they saw was their dad looking like an idiot. They laughed again.

"I warned you!" Pent roared and turned around. Then he swung his arms down so that the chair hit the floor with a loud _CRACK_. Both the kids immediately shut up, their little mouths hanging open so that small, saliva-covered cookie pieces fell out and scattered on the ground. "Here I come!" Pent yelled and began running towards the children.

"AHHH!" yelled Klein and "EEEEK!" screamed Clarine and they both got up and ran, abandoning the cookies. (All those wasted cookies!) Pent chased them down the hall, and the scene would have looked quite silly and bizarre to anyone watching, for it is not every day that you see a man running down a hall with a chair tied to his back trying to hit two running youths with said chair. The kids finally got smart and ran through a narrow doorway, and when Pent tried to do the same his arms just hit the sides of the doorway painfully hard. He struggled for a moment but found that there was no way to wiggle through while the chair was still attached to him. Klein and Clarine laughed. Annoyed, he backed up and ran full force at the doorway. While this did not get him through, and although it once again injured his arms, the force of the crash loosened the rope and the chair fell off and onto the floor.

"Uh oh…" said Clarine.

"_BIG_ uh oh." corrected Klein.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I'm free! I'm free!" Pent jollily exclaimed, running around and waving his arms. He reveled in his newly found freedom for a few more moments, and then he turned back to his children with a frightening grin.

"Eeeep!" cried the brother and sister in unison and they moved back a few paces. Pent advanced on them slowly.

"So…tie me to a chair, huh? I'll tape you both to the wall! And then I'll read out loud to you…." he paused for dramatic effect.

"**The Principles of Anima Magic Casting**"

The two blondes gasped. "Anything but that!" Klein cried. Clarine bravely stepped forward.

"Father…." she said, tears heard clearly in her voice. Lord Pent looked at his young daughter. (An act of self undoing, for no father that's mad at their daughter should EVER look at her when she starts crying) "Daddy….we're sorry we tried to trick you and that we tied you to a chair….we just wanted some cookies, but we know now that we should never, ever knock you out with a baseball bat to get them _ever again_. We're so very sorry, Daddy! Please forgive us!" Clarine begged, bottom lip trembling. Pent felt himself wavering and shook his head.

"No! I will not fall to the forces of cuteness!" Pent yelled, but then Clarine played her trump card.

"We love you, Daddy."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Pent screamed as he fell to the ground, defeated. "I love you kids, too." Pent mumbled.

"YAY!" they both cheered and ran to the fallen sage, hugging him tight. At first he tried to resist, but then he figured since he had already lost he might as well just lose completely and so he hugged them back. And all seemed well for a few moments. Seemed, for in the living room some trouble was brewing. And this trouble was trouble of the troublesome kind. The kind of trouble that causes….trouble.

"Let's go back to the living room." Pent finally said and got to his feet. The three walked back to the room holding hands and looking like a perfect, loving family. Klein wondered if he would still be alive if he didn't have a sister. Once back in the living room, Clarine sat on the sofa with her father and talked to him while Klein returned to his book. A little bit later…

"Hey, did you hear that?" Klein asked, looking around the room with a perplexed face. Pent and Clarine quieted for a moment and listened. And, sure enough….

_Squeak, squeak, squeak!_

"I hear it, too!" Pent said at the same time Clarine exclaimed "Something's squeaking!" Klein searched around the room and his investigation led him to the dropped bag of cookies from before. As he went to pick it up, a gray _something_ darted out of it and ran across the floor.

"EEEEEEK! A mouse!" Clarine screamed and climbed up on the back of the couch so she was as far off the ground as she could possibly be. Pent chuckled at his daughter's stereotypical girl reaction. He got up off the couch and followed the rodent.

"Clam down, sweetie, it's just a wee little-AHHHHHHH!" Pent suddenly screamed, running and diving back onto the couch. "Clarine! Let me up there with you!" he begged, trying to scramble up beside her but she just knocked him back down.

"NO!" she screamed back and kicked at his hands. "There's only room enough for me! It's everybody for themselves!"

"I thought you loved me!" Pent whined.

"I do love you, Daddy…..I just love myself more!" Clarine explained and Pent wondered for what wasn't the first time if somehow Serra's personality was seeping into his own sweet daughter's.

"Both of you are being foolish! It's just a mouse!" Klein scoffed.

"That's not _just_ a mouse, it's a mouse who ate a few too many vegetables growing up! It's as big as our castle cat!" Pent retorted.

"I'll get it and put it outside." Klein announced arrogantly and walked over to its hiding place near a table. "Come here, mousey…" he said as he kneeled. "RAMPANT RIENFLECHES, THAT'S A BIG MOUSE!" he suddenly shouted and ran over to join his father and sister.

"Now what? We're trapped!" Clarine sobbed, clinging to her brother. "Dearest brother, incase we don't make it, I LOVE YOU!" she confessed. "And your pretty hair!" she added.

"Would you stop it? We just have to come up with a plan to capture it!" Klein replied.

"Um….can we come up with that plan in a different room?" Pent suggested.

"Why?"

"'Cause it's running towards the couch!"

"EEEEEK!" Clarine screeched in a perfect imitation of her Auntie Serra. Then she jumped off the back and dashed for her room.

"Wait for us!" Pent and Klein cried and they followed her.

* * *

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People all throughout the land of Etruria admire Lord Pent the Magic General. They respect his power and bravery. But were any of those admirers to ever see the great Lord Pent cowering in his daughter's room over one mouse…well, they may very well change their opinions of him. But luckily for him, none of those people of Etruria will ever learn of that event because…..they don't own computers! HA HA! Anyways, in Clarine's room….

"Not so big and tough now, huh? What happened to Mr. I'll Take Care Of The Mouse?" Pent was taunting Klein.

"Look at yourself, man! I'm just a kid, you're an adult! And a sage, for Elimine's sake! You can battle dragons (or so you tell us, I'm starting to have serious doubts about that far-fetched story!) but you can't face a _mouse_?" the blonde boy retorted angrily.

"Hush, both of you! It might hear you!" Clarine scolded in an urgent whisper, and the two males immediately silenced. The trio was hiding under Clarine's bed with the curtains drawn and all lanterns put out so that the mouse would hopefully not realize they were in there.

"Okay, I have a plan…" Pent whispered.

* * *

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Inside the kitchens, an innocent mouse was innocently eating some crumbs in a most innocent way. But this unfortunate mouse was about to have a most unfortunate thing happen to him that would, unfortunately, ruin what had been a mostly good day.

"Here, mousey mousey…." Klein called softly, throwing some cheese pieces on the ground. The mouse gave a happy squeak and ran to the cheese. "NOW!" Klein shouted and Pent quickly stuck a bowl on top of the creature. Now, just put yourself in this poor thing's position! You see some delicious cheese (your favorite food) and when you run to eat it, a big _thing_ drops out of the heavens and suddenly everything goes dark!

(A/N:

Erk: The readers didn't come for a session on Animal Rights, Riri.)

"Got him!" Klein cried triumphantly, and the father & son duo did a little celebration jig. You know, the one where you join arms and skip around in a circle. (Don't play innocent, people, I know you've all done it at some point)

"That's great and all, but _now_ what do we do with him?" Clarine pointed out. The dancing stopped.

"Uhhhh…leave it there, I guess…." Pent said and Clarine sighed.

"I'll tell Uncle Erky to get it when he gets home." she said.

"Speaking of which, aren't they due home quite soon, Father?" Klein asked

"Oh, I sure hope so!" Pent answered. He had had quite enough of this 'babysitting' thing!

"But, Father….." Clarine said, looking at a clock. "It's only been three quarters of an hour!

"What…..eh…….ah……" Pent made a few other noises then collapsed on the ground in an exhausted heap of sage. Klein patted him comfortingly on the back.

"It's okay, Dad….I know what we can do for the next few hours!" he told him. Pent looked up at his son, warily.

"And that is…..?" he asked

"Play baseball!" he announced, and Clarine clapped her hands excitedly, even though she had no idea what that was. Pent was confused as well.

"What is…base….ball?" he asked.

"It's this game that Amy taught me. She learned it from her dad, who learned it from some tactician lady." Klein explained. Pent was suspicious. He didn't like the idea of playing any game that had been taught to his son by a rowdy child like little Amethyst. "C'mon, Dad! It will be fun!" Klein insisted.

"Fun, fun!" Clarine echoed, giggling. Pent got to his feet with a dejected sigh.

"Alright…..let's go play…" he gave in and was hurriedly led into the rear courtyard by his children. Once outside, Pent stood idly by as his son gathered what appeared to him to be a pile of junk.

"This-" Klein said, holding up a large rock, "-is home plate." Pent nodded his head like he understood what that was. Klein dropped it near the courtyard wall. "These are the other three bases." Klein continued, this time showing his father three very tattered and old looking pieces of cloth that _might_ have once been clothing. Pent was alarmed to think that his son was making a hobby of digging through the garbage. It was unsanitary, very messy, and let's face it; it would just not look too good if someone walking by spotted the Magic General's son rooting around in some trash.

"Klein, where did you get those?" Pent inquired as Klein stuck the cloths in three spaces equally distanced from each other.

"From Amy." he answered.

"Oh." Pent said, relieved. He wasn't bothered by the fact that his student's daughter was the one playing with the garbage. He always thought that girl was a bit strange, anyhow.

"This is the bat. It's what you hit the ball with." Klein said, holding up what appeared to be the stick part of a broken Heal staff. "And this is the ball." he said, holding up what was obviously a ball. "Since we only have three players, the batter is going to have to fetch their own ball if they miss. And the pitcher is going to have to help play field. Well, you ready?" he asked. Regardless of the fact that whatever Klein had just said did not help explain what this game was all about, Pent and Clarine nodded. "I'm batting first! Dad, you're pitching! Clarine, get on one of the bases!'

"Where do I stand?" Pent asked, walking unsurely forward towards the roughly made baseball field.

"On that lump of dirt over there!" Klein said, pointing. "It will serve as our pitcher's mound!"

"I'm a what? A pitcher?" Pent said, stepping up on the dirt mound. "Like what we pour drinks out of?" Klein rolled his eyes.

"No, Dad." he said, condescendingly. He was standing on home plate and already had the bat in hand. "You throw the ball at me and I try to hit it. Then, you and Clarine try to get it and throw it to the base I'm running towards before I make I there. Now here, catch." He tossed the ball to Pent, who fumbled to grab hold of it.

"I…throw it at you?" Pent repeated incredulously. He was expected to throw things at his own son? And this was considered _fun_ in some places?

(A/N: So hitting his kids with a chair would be fine, but throwing a ball at them is against his morals?)

"Yes, and I hit it with the bat! Now come on!" Klein urged, getting in position and tapping his bat on the home plate….rock….whatever. Pent threw the ball as hard as he could………

_SMACK!_

The ball went flying straight towards second base, Klein went running straight towards first, Pent went after the ball, and Clarine…….was making a daisy chain. By the time Pent got hold of the ball Klein was already well on his way towards third. Clarine was sitting right next to the base.

"Clarine! Catch!" Pent yelled. He hurled the ball at his daughter. She looked up and was startled as a ball whizzed by over her head and kept going. In fact, it kept going until it hit the head of Klein, who had been running towards home plate. And so, with a loud THUNK, Klein was knocked out.

"Ooooooh….." Clarine said, looking at her bleeding brother. "Daddy's gonna be in _trouble_ when Mommy gets home." Pent rushed to his son's side.

"Klein! Klein! Speak to me!" he said. His only answer was a loud moan. "Clarine! Get me a Heal staff!" As the bleeding got worse, however, he thought that maybe a Mend staff would be a better choice.

"Here you go!" Clarine said cheerfully, handing him a staff. She hadn't quite realized yet that her brother was seriously injured, and Pent wanted to keep it that way. He didn't need a hysteric, crying girl on top of everything else.

"Thank-" Pent began to say, but cut off when he looked at the staff in his hand. It was the broken one they had been using for a bat. "THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES!" Pent scolded, throwing the bat on the ground. "Don't you realize your brother is in dire need of help right now?" Instantly, he regretted his words.

"Is Big Brother……..gonna…._die_?" Clarine asked, tears filling her eyes.

"No, no! At least, not if we get a staff…." Pent replied, but it was too late.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAH!** NOOOO! NOT MUH BIG BROTHER!" the little girl wailed, falling to the ground to hug her dearest and only sibling. "Wake up, Brother! Wake up!" And, by some miracle, Klein's eyes opened.

"Wh-what happened?" he asked, putting a hand to the injury that had finally stopped bleeding. Pent sighed, very relieved that he had not just murdered his only son.

"You were hit in the head with a ball and knocked out." the sage told him.

"Ow…..my head hurts." Klein said and giggled. Giggled. Kept giggling. Pent stared at him.

"Um….you feeling alright, son?" he asked and Klein grinned at him.

"Well, no, of course not! I was just bonked in the head with a ball, wasn't I?" he said and then started laughing very loudly. Clarine moved away from the boy whom she had thought was her brother until he started giggling. She grabbed the bat that was on the ground for protection against this strange stranger. Klein, still laughing, got to his feet.

"Uh….I need to heal your head." Pent called after him as Klein started skipping around the courtyard.

"Right, right!" Klein answered and started whistling. Clarine moved over to her dad.

"Daddy…what's wrong with him?" she asked in a low voice.

"I don't know." Pent responded, staring at his son in horror. Was it possible that the blow to the head had somehow damaged his brain? He doubted Louise would be too pleased if she came home to find her once very intelligent and serious son to now be a happy-go-lucky pansy. He sighed through his nose and herded both his children back inside.

* * *

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"_Daddy_!" Clarine screamed, racing through the hallways to find her father. It was an hour later and the two were having trouble adjusting to this new Klein. "Daddy!" she called out again, finally finding him to be in the main library. Lord Pent had many books laid out on the table before him. All of them had titles like The Effects of Head Trauma and What Happens When Heads Get Hit.

"What is it, Clarine?" Pent answered while flipping through a book called So You Think Your Son's Become An Idiot Because You Hit Him In the Head. The book was oddly perfect for the current situation. He was scanning a section on 'excessive cheerfulness'.

"Klein put one of my dresses on and he won't give it back!" she whined, pouting. Pent dropped the book.

"Klein _WHAT_?" Pent asked, gaping at his young girl.

"He put my dress on! And I want it back!" Clarine stomped her foot and crossed her arms, all the warning signs of a tantrum about to happen.

"Where is he now?" Pent asked, snapping the book shut and moving into the hall.

"In you and Mommy's bathroom, putting on Mommy's makeup." she told him nonchalantly, as if this happened every day and was absolutely ordinary. Pent took off down the hall faster than any horse could gallop or any girl could run from Sain. When he arrived at his bathroom, he found the strange sight of his son, in a light pink dress, pursing his lips as he applied some kind of colored paste to them. The color was the same one Louise commonly used, and Pent knew he would never be able to kiss her again while she was wearing it.

"Hello, Father." Klein greeted him. Pent just stared, mortified. He had always expected to someday catch Clarine trying on her mother's makeup….but _Klein_?

"Klein, what on Elimine's green Elibe are you doing?" Pent demanded, trying to keep the terror out of his voice.

"Isn't it obvious?" Klein answered, gesturing at his dress. "Making myself look beautiful!"

"Klein…" Pent said, attempting to reason with him, "You are a _boy_. Boys don't want to be beautiful! And boys sure don't wear dresses and make up!" Pent snatched the lipstick out of his hand.

"Ah, Father, don't be such a manly man!" Klein said airily, looking at himself in the mirror. Pent repeated the words 'manly man' to himself quietly, verifying that that _was_ what his son had said. "I look so pretty when I'm beautiful!" Klein gleefully cried, clapping his hands.

"Brother has gone loonie." Clarine stated, very matter-of-factly. Pent was not listening. He had gone into his room to grab a staff.

"And, Father, I-_AHHHHHHH!_" Klein suddenly yelled when he turned to see Pent about to smack him over the head. He ducked to the side and Pent hit the collection of womanly items that were on the bathroom counter. A smashed bottle of perfume quickly made the air smell of irises. Klein ran around his father and out the door, and Pent followed.

"Get back here!" Pent yelled after the frantic boy, "Just one short smack and you'll be back to normal!" With her two male family members gone, Clarine bent down to pick at the pile of broken things that had fallen on the ground. She stuck her finger into a rather gooey looking goo, and then stuck that finger in her mouth.

"Huh…." she said and began to eat.

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Downstairs…..

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"NO! Stay back!" Klein was yelling, backed into a corner by his hit-happy father. He was now brandishing a Bernbie doll as his weapon. "I don't want to be a real boy again!"

"Come on, Klein! Be tough! It's just one hit!" Pent said, slowly moving closer.

"GAAAAAAAH!" Klein let out a war cry and jumped on his father, whacking any part of him he could reach with the Bernbie doll. _THWACK THWACK THWACK! _went Klein with the doll.

_**KERWHACK!** _went Pent's staff, hitting Klein squarely on the head. Klein collapsed on the ground for the second time that day. "Phew…." Pent said, wiping at his brow. Then he used his staff to heal the poor, abused boy. Klein got up on his haunches and Pent smiled happily.

"Woof?" Klein asked, looking at his father questioningly. Pent's smile faded.

'What did you say, son?" Pent prayed he had been hearing things.

"Woof!" Klein said again, scratching at his ears. Pent's eye twitched.

"We're hoooooooome!" came Serra's loud voice in a sing-song tone as the front doors swung open to reveal her, Erk, Amy, and Louise.

"WOOF!" Klein barked, happily running on all fours over to his mother. He put his "paws" on her stomach and licked at her hands.

"Hello, my dear! What is this? Some kind of game?" Louise asked cheerfully, ruffling at his hair.

"Woof!" Klein replied and rolled on his back, looking at his mother expectantly as if he wanted her to scratch his stomach. She just stared at him, her eyes slowly furrowing in concern.

"Lord Pent? What is…..our son doing?" she asked, keeping her eyes on her son as he got back on all fours and started sniffing Erk's rear end. Erk swatted at the young boy and indignantly grasped at the cloth near his violated back end.

"Yes, Master Pent, do tell what is wrong with this child!" Erk agreed. The castle cat, with rather unfortunate timing, chose that moment to walk into the room and greet her returning owners. She stopped, dead still, when she saw her young master down on all fours, looking at her with his tongue hanging out.

"GRRRRRRR!" Klein growled loudly and the cat ran for it. The dog-boy took chase, following her around the room in a circle.

"Lord Pent….what is wrong with our boy?" Louise cried, now very alarmed as the cat clawed its way up the curtains and Klein tore at the curtains with his teeth.

"Um….well….uh…" Pent said nervously, at a loss for how to explain this bizarre behavior. Fortunately, or unfortunately as it was, he was saved the effort.

"Mommy…I don't feel so good…." Clarine whined, stumbling her way down the stairs with goo seeping out the corners of her mouth.

"My moisturizer!" Louise cried, running to her daughter. "Lord Pent, why did you let her eat this?"

"_BLAAAAH!_" Clarine threw up all over her mother, ruining the new and expensive dress Louise had worn to the concert.

"RUN, LORD PENT, RUN!" Erk suddenly yelled, shoving his mentor towards the still open doors. The cat saw this opening and raced out the front door. Serra grabbed hold of Klein as the boy tried to follow. Since he had lost the cat, Klein decided to do some other doggy past-time instead. Serra screamed.

"**EWWWWWWW!** **KLEIN'S DOING SOMETHING TO MY LEG!"**

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Arianna: Hehe, if you can't figure that last part out, I'm certainly not telling you! Oh, and don't worry Pent lovers, I'm sure Louise didn't hurt him _too_ bad after all that. She seems to be a rather happy and passive person.

Serra: Errrrrky! How could you let that happen to me?

Erk: ……. –laughs-

Arianna: Anyways, I truly am sorry with how long this chapter took, but I had very bad writer's block with this one. I thought a few times about just skipping it…but I had promised a Pent one. So…I guess I should do review responses now, huh?

**ooooooooooooooo**

**Review Responses**

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Arianna: -happy sob- I can't believe the response I've gotten to this story! Thank you so much, all of you!

**BIG **Thanks To: RBMIfan, TwilightFairy, Miserikordi, Rose-Wisteria, Nightmare3, Shadow Angel-2429, NekoRaven, FireEdge, Ghost of Ivan, lugiamania, TFRiD Queen, not telling, K-Gforever, timmycheese, GreenEyedFloozy, Eladard Kikur, Wandering Cat, narugurlee13, anonymous, Inferno-Hero, Shenka, Critic From Hell, Lack Thereof, Chimichanga, SkyeDunhart, Kiro14, ESP, Manakete Slayer, lilylisa31, arashisama, Evergladelord, Nintendo Nut1, and all readers!

not telling: If you're not gonna tell me your name, I'm not telling you the code! –blows raspberry-

timmycheese: I was playing 'Harvest Moon' and I made pickles…and then I thought "Hey! Know what's funny? A guy in a pickle suit! Know what's even more funny? _Matthew_ in a pickle suit!"

narugurlee13: YAY! Somebody figured it out! Have a cookie.

anonymous: It depends on whom Nino gets A support with. In my game, she got it with Jaffar. Therefore, she married Jaffar.

Critic From Hell: AHHH! Not the leg, not the leg!

SkyeDunhart: -blink blink- What's wrong with the title?

ESP: It's okay…I understand everyone's sense of humor isn't the same. I won't cry….I'm a big, mature girl…… -sniff sniff- WAAAAAAAAH! Just kidding, I'm fine. Thanks for reviewing anyway!

RBMIfan: Thank you so much for informing me of the link problem!

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Arianna: How do ya like dem apples?

Eliwood: Apples are nice…

Arianna: Well, too bad! You don't get any! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Ivan: ….oh my…..

Erk: Twenty therapy sessions later and she's still the most cracked nut of us all…..

Arianna: So! Next chapter…...maybe Lucy, maybe Karel, maybe Sain? Not sure yet…. 'Protecting The Devil' is the next story I'm updating! Ciao for now!

Sain: -holding sign that says 'Get Me Help NOW!'-

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**Clarine:** Review and you can have the mouse that's still trapped in the kitchen. It could be your new pet!

**Klein**: WOOF!

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